Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ten fingers

We, Chinese have a saying - Of the ten fingers, some are long and some are short. Hence, the affections for children, our own flesh and blood will naturally be different. Agree?

To begin with, I am not sure if I was ever a favourite with my parents. I mean, there was the first born male, the quiet /obedient sis, the smart -capable bro and the loving- thoughtful bro. And then it's me - the youngest. All of us are different. And all of us were good kids. So, as kids, who did my parents love most? Do you find yourself asking that?

I do remember when I was younger, people were always saying to my parents, "Is this your youngest daughter? Oh, lai lui lai sum gorn [the youngest - your (meaning my parents') heart and spleen]." I reckon the more times I heard it, the more I believed that I was loved in a special way.

But that was when I was 3 feet tall.

As I grew I began to change perspective. Probably out of guilt, I didn't think (or didn't want to think) I was the favourite anymore. Don't get my wrong. I wasn't angsty. I went around saying, "Oh well, of the ten fingers - some are long and some are short. And I am ok being the short one."

It's just not my nature to be wanting to be first or the best. Sinkar calls it moe daiji (no ambition).

Or could it be that I had the liberty to say, "It's ok," because there were no issues, or to put it simply - Could it be, I was actually the favourite, despite being in constant denial state?

You know what I mean? You don't? Ok , some other examples.

- You can say it's ok to be ugly because you are not ugly.

You can say people don't need breast enhancements because your bra cups are bigger than your fist.

- You can say it's ok to lose only because you have won all the time.

You can say be yourself because you are not the odd one out.

Hence, for my case - it's ok not to be the favourite because I am the most loved?

Maybe deep down, all along, I already knew. I could be wrong, of course. Or my parents happened to love us all the same (possible?) Whichever it is, I will never know. Not that I need to know because I am ok. I have been ok all my life. I am ok that I have been loved. I don't care about the least or the most. (See? I have a feeling that I was the latter hence the confidence. Makes sense? )

Now that we are parents... do we love our kids the same? Sometimes it's hard to imagine having another child. For me, I mean. Admit it, it's hard to love your kids all the same, right? *point at you --yes you..the one with the football team kids*



Sinkar Chairlerng Lei said...

if my fingers are like this can u pls explain the 'Of the ten fingers, some are long and some are short' again?

goolypop said...

sinkar chai-leng ler,

same..some are long, some are short.. except that some are super long..and some are really short for your fingers.

Did u eat a tree and grew fingers like these?

tuti said...

i told lisa you've got smooth butt.
i read your entry later, hehehe. working. :P

goolypop said...

tuti..*wag wag finger* you didnt tell her about my nenenen? How could u!

tuti said...

ah yo, sinkar's finger pic..
*feeling hin-hin*

mahmee wanna have another child ah? then worry if she will love gooly the same or more or the next one more or less ah?

goolypop said...

tuti, eh, how u know... the jolie in me emerged again yesterday..thinking of adopting international kids. Heheheh.

(think oredi shudders.. i wont do it one lah!)


Related Posts with Thumbnails