Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Gooly the laozhi

"Call me Peah Lauxhi."

Frankly speaking, it's either Peah or Peyek. I am not so sure myself. Peah, Peyek, Peyer... oh, could it be Pierre? Yes yes.. Pierre Laozhi.

He is darn serious about his teaching job that he makes his own wordsheets.

And I, the mother has to complete them. When I am lucky, I get the 'dot to dot' sheet, which I can connect the dots anyway I want. Sometimes I get the real tricky ones like writing chinese words. Blek.

And he stamps homeworks for me too (which I throw into the bin)

If I don't do them (which is usually the case), I get sent to the principal's office (who is him also.)

This is him teaching me.. I forgot what. As if I would listen to him. Teehee.

Oooh... I have a schedule to follow too. What's BMS? Darn! I wasn't paying attention again, was I?

This is the text book he uses. ANd his lecture begins with "God wants you to be rich.."

Hmm.. Those blokes.. are they god? Hmm...

Now I wish I had paid better attention!

Camping tips

We just bought the Little Miss collection in which one of our favourite misses is Miss Scatterbrain, but more commonly known as Miss Kamseng in our household.

In that story, Miss Kamseng brought an electric kettle during her camping trip.

"Hahahahha," Gooly laughed. "Silly Miss Kamseng!"

Even though we havent been camping before, I decided to challenge him nonetheles, "What should Miss Kamseng do to boil her water?"

"Well.." he began confidently and intellectually.

".. she should have bought a switch."

A switch?

"Yep..and a screwdriver to screw the switch in and then plug the kettle in."


"Inside the tent!"

I see.............

Who is kamseng now?! I don't think gooly can survive SURVIVAL JUNGLE 101~

#Kids' perspective can be darn pohseng kamseng!

Friday, March 26, 2010


"Accident is really funny", I was told.

And I nodded and went, "Uha..". You know, the usual response when you are not really listening.

"Accident always makes jokes and makes us laugh."

"Uha.. (in the mind - "What should I eat for dinner later?")"

Suddenly.. Wait..

Whatdya mean Accident is funny? Is Accident a boy?

Who on earth named their child Accident? I mean, Gargles is really weird..but Accident??

Unless..'s Edison.

Does Edison make sense? Like, Edison is a real joker.

Is that what you mean, Gooly? That there is a boy named Edison, (not Accident) in your class who is like sinkar?

"Yes yes yes," he said."Edison is his name. Accident is really funny."

Accident again?

So what do we learn today? Never name your child Edison? Of course not. Don't make everything a learning lesson, can or not?

Gooly is jungkuoren

yi hen

yi pea

yi na

yi dien

...and dunno what else.

But I am mightily pleased that Gooly writes his name in Chinese. With proper strokes.

Sometimes out of the blue, he reads a word on the brouchure like, dou fa (hair).

But he still speaks Mandarin with a Mexican twang (whatever that is..)

I am proud. Let's sing: JOE GOR YUNG GUM CHUNG KOK YAN! *marching*

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Should I stay or should i go?

Mc Chicken or Mc Fish?

Singapore or Hong Kong?

Air Asia or Fireflyz?

Should I cane or should I whack?

Whadya know.. life is full of choices...

Trouble is..they are all like shit!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Of late, Gooly has been using a new word - kum-seng.

At first I thought it was yum-seng, sum-seng, poh-seng..but no..he's kum-seng.

He usually says, "Mom, you are so kum-seng!" when I make a blunder, fall into the drain or make a faux-pas.

..which makes me think, the word is equivalent to chimakan in our language.

...I think kum-seng is inspired, derived or originated from the name poh seng. Whoever he is. *shrugs

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

So bored

To me.. the definition of childhood is the opportunity to feel bored...

So bored that you will talk to the dog whom everyone else ignore.

So bored that you will go talk to your grampa and ask loads of unimportant questions.

So bored that you will paint a hundred paintings and hang them on the toilet door for your momma to see.

So bored that you make up your own songs.

So bored that you are bored of the TV.

So bored that you check the fridge for miracle chocolates every few minutes.


I think Gooly has a very happy childhood judging from the list above. I just need to add one more here:

So bored that he bugs the bejeeeeeesus out of ME!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gooly paints

I love painting with Gooly - an activity which we strictly stick to the self-imposed motto of UP TO YOU. There's no theme or scheme. Blindfold us and we can still come up with kns masterpieces.

More colours.. I'd like a cottage like that, with a white fence and a chimney billowing with smoke. (I think he was laughing cos he placed the girlie figure on the roof .)

One heart for you and you and you and you. Please claim only a tiny square of each heart. The rest, you may distribute to other haters you have.

Not that you are on my haters' list :P

Gooly main masak masak

When we go to Ikea, Gooly goes to the play area. But sometimes the place is deserted or it's jam packed with kids. And then we will abandon the idea of playing there and proceed... the kids' furniture area.

..where he with the kiddy kitchen cabinet.

Ooooh.... the joy he has when he plays Restaurant City where he is the Chef, maitre' D and cashier.

I am always the customer naturally which I don't mind, really.

I order sushi, siew mai, ckt, coffee, ice kacang and such.

I like the siew mai he makes cos he adds meat with a dash of pepper and salt and carefully wrap them up and steam them. (I don't know how he knows the recipe.)

And then he always give great offers like free coffee.

And the price is darn cheap. It's always 1 cent for the whole meal. *grins*

And the service is quick and good. I hear "Thank you and please come again!" everytime I pay.

Even the name of the establishment is catchy - Ching Chong Ching Restaurant.

I am so tempted to buy him that cabinet. But it's so expensive!!

Anyways, for conversation sake, I asked him, "What if people tease you saying that cooking is for girls?" (True enough cos that's what my sister told him.)

He looked up the ceiling and pondered.

"I won't care!" he shrugged.

Attaboy! Good to hear that! Now gimme the hammer and nails, I will just construct the whole cabinet for you..

Right here.. in this house of NO gender stereotyping!

(Ok, before that.. where to get papan?)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mrs. Lee's son

Remember Mrs. Lee?

I think I failed to mention that she actually has 2 sons. The older one is banished or ran away, I am not sure. But he doesn't come home anymore. The younger one..well.. he is the one I want to write about today.

But before that..

I do remember the boys being a few years younger. Just a few. So that makes them in their early 30s, perhaps? During the younger days, we have heard stories about them ..or should I say, little 'adventures' they had.. the time they conteng the piano with black markers.

..and also the time the older boy played with fire.

I think the fire episode was the last straw the parents could handle. He was sent away.. and then he ran away. And then.. we never heard of him again. Even when his father died, he was not informed.

Now the younger brother..

In his 30s (or late 20s, I assume), he has never worked a single day of his life.

He wakes, he walks around the neighbourhood til his legs tire him out and he never takes a bath unless necessary (like when head lice are partying on his hair)

Mrs Lee says he is autistic.

Here's the thing. Sometimes... he plays the piano. Beautifully. Like a maestro. I don't know if it's Bach or Beethoven that he plays but ohh... so beautiful.

He doesn't practice. I mean, even when he was a kid, there was no scales and arpeggio practice (unlike the other stupid neighbour kid). And yet when he plays, he plays like he is performing.

When I see him around the neighbourhood, smiling to himself, looking tattered - I am half scared and intrigued by him ..

Friday, March 12, 2010

Gooly the teacher

Of late Gooly has been hallucinating playing this game of pretend in which he is a teacher (I think) with a bunch of..*ahem* students.

He takes this game darn seriously.

It started off with a notebook. The paper notebook. Not the type-perdy notebook. He carried it around with a pen slotted into the ring binding. And he scribbled in it with lots of 'info'.

What's that?- I had to ask, looking a page with some Swahili words marked with crosses.

"They are my students' names. See the x? They are absent today."

Oooookay.... I flipped some more and realised there were more identical writings - all intelligible. Here's the thing.. he is so anal about which page contains what details, though they all look like gibberish to me.

This page - students' attendance.

That page - students' addresses and telephone numbers

Page 48 - today's lesson plan

It was all very organised, I must say though only he could find and understand the info he wanted.

This morning, only two students turned up. The *ahem* teacher was mad that these two students didn't learn up the songs he taught yesterday.

And here I am..wondering why I even bother buying toys for this boy. All he needs is a notebook and a pen to play (for 3days 2 nights).


PS: You..yes you..don't simply say know what. Kids play like that wan..

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Never knew such l.o.v.e

When it was time to leave, Gooly (again) hung on to papah's neck and cried buckets.

Such a pitiful sight it was indeed. I had to pry him away.

And he asked me, "What can you do to make me feel better?"

Geessh! I wish I have a magik wand and make everything okay for you, Gooly. But all I have is a fat ass. Can I hug you instead? (edited version)

He clambered on me and buried his head on my chest and sobbed quietly. In between sobs, he managed a "I love my papah, you know?" and a "I'm missing him already."

I hugged him for a long long time. He stole glances everytime some people walked passed, hoping that his father has somehow changed his mind about leaving, only to be dissapointed, and started crying all over again.

We tried talking about happy stuff for a bit (like our holiday plans next week) and then decided on an impromptu art project.

I cut a heart out of a sheet of paper. His eye lashes were still wet with tears as he coloured it.

And he muttered,"It's for you, papah. I love you."

Well, papah married a very macho lady (me). I don't think I am tender as such.

I married also a macho man. He is not expressive as such.

What dya know? Our son is such an emo fella.

Thank you son. Never knew such love ..before you.

What a bittersweet feeling.

Gooly goes Standard One. Ekkk!

For weeks, I have been thinking - should..or rather, will Gooly be ready for Primary One next year? Is it really necessary to start him off a year earlier? Being born on 1st January, we were told that he had a choice to join the 2004 clan in Primary One next year.

So I thought.

And I asked.

And I decided.

The answer is NO.

We wont make him go to a proper school at age 6.

I went to the school to inform them of our decision.

At the registration desk, the man asked, "Why not? Rugiiiii ooohh if he starts later."

I said, "Tak pe-lah.."

He thought a while, scratched his head a bit and said," I always receive letters of appeal from parents whose children are born in the month of January, February AND March.. to join the earlier batch. They are willing to take the test, you know. And you don't want pulak. How ah? I never process a request like that before. You go in and talk to the principal-lah.."

And so I went. Knock knock, Mr Principal.

Before I began, the principal took the Birth Certificate, perused it and claimed, "No problem-lah! He will join the 2004 batch," assuming that my sole purpose of visiting him is to secure a place for Gooly.

I clarified,"There is a problem. I don't want him to join the 2004 batch."

Again, a look of disbelief.

Anyhoo..much to our disappointment, this arrangement is not negotiable. It has been determined by the Government that January 1st babies were to be admitted into schools a year earlier. It is not a choice . We had been misinformed.

And again, I was lectured about how OTHER PARENTS would want this opportunity for their kids to have a head start..and why would I want to complicate matters.


But I am not OTHER kiasu parents maaa...

Grrr...! 9 more months to prep Gooly for school.

Gooly, ni ker yi maa?!

Oh and a donation form was shoved into my face. That soon huh...Scary..

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

We miss the beach

Never knew I could be a beach bum. Perhaps it's his laughter..his smiles that make me wanna head to the beach.

Like all the freaking time.

Like today.

Like now.

Speaking of beaches, I was just wondering.

Say if you were leaving a parking space walking towards your car in an enclosed car park in a mall or something.. and you saw this other car driven by another lady.

..Do you point out to her where you have parked so that she could take over the space?

Like hell..we know that it's not safe these days to wander in car parks.

Hence, I do that all the time. Signalling to others the location of my parked car. Women should watch out for one another, no?

Much to my chagrin..not everyone think like me.


(I had wanted to write about beaches..but somehow digressed to bitches. Darn homonyms!)

So beaches anyone?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

When they boys fight..

Can I play with it for a while, Harry Potter*? Please? Just a while then I give it back to you, ok?




*starts bawling* YOU ARE SO MEAN!


Gooly is not the one saying NO! He is the one crying all the time when Harry Potter wouldn't share. What is the problem here, can you tell me?

1. Harry refusing to share despite polite requests from Gooly?


2. Gooly's insistence on playing with the same toy when there are boxes of other toys?


What do I say?

I am so tired of - Gooly, there are other toys cos the answer is a always...always a whiny BUT I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT IT FOR A WHILE.

I am so bored with - Harry, share..which the guaranteed reply is NO! (At least he is not so long-winded)

So I log in FB and pretend I am deaf, and wonder if I should create a group called, "IF YOU WANT THAT TOY, I WANT IT TOO, CHUI-MEH?" There will be two 'fans' at least, for sure..

*Harry is Gooly's cousin who may know magik and whose favorite word is NO!

The baby within

Seated in the car, Papah struck a conversation with the usual, "How's school?"

"Oh very good! How's your business? Good?"


Talking to our 5 year old is alot like talking to a 50 year old.

And he always ends our telephone-conversation with, "Have a good business! Have a good day working!"

If not for his age-related innocence, I would have thought he was being sarcastic - like what? have a good day working? Nobody works and have a good day, mister....

Anyhoo, despite his ability to mimick adult conversations, there are moments when he reverts to being a baby.

Like when he crawled out of his bed in the middle of last night, and positioned himself like a curled-up prawn, 2mm away from his papah - his comfort and solace.

Ah.. the baby in him does surface.

..when it's night time.

..and especially when Papah is around.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Beautiful a.m

In an over-crowded kopitiam, I was having a hard time deciding what to eat.

Ipoh hor fun - curry mein - ipohorfun- kaleimein- eppohhorfen - kalimein.. my mind was exploding, resulting a constipated look on my usually ceria face.

Suddenly I heard, "Do you want to sit with us?"

Huh? Huh? Why? Why? I blinked and realised, an old lady with another three equally old ladies had offered a seat. I think I had stood there a while, looking as though I was without a place to sit, with an agitated face.

I declined politely, explaining that my son has reserved a seat for me next to the handsome man who happens to be my husband.

And I proceeded to decide on Assam Laksa in a much happier mood.

Just awhile ago, as I stepped out from the toilet cubicle, another lady looked at my reflection on the mirror and complimented on my dress.

"This old rag?!'s soooo last season!" I waved off the comment.

Hahah! Of course I didn't say that!......

I think I was so pleasantly surprised that I blushed a lil.

Ahhh.. random 'niceties' from two total strangers. That's too much! Makes me wanna donate a kidney or something..


Friday, March 5, 2010

Gooly is a gentleman

There is a new girl in class. Very Tumbelina like. Gooly should be a head taller than her. Today the teacher said, "Oh, he takes extra care of her. Holding her hand when descending the stairs while telling her to watch her steps.*"

Ooh.. my pride swells at such chivalry kaolui act.

I hope 'Tumbelina' is not a feminist who says, "I CAN WALK MYSELF! HARRUMPH."


*in mandarin which I perfectly understood.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Evil tots

I was driving out this morning and I saw a sign which reads "NO BREAD" written on a card board, hung on a gate. Immediately, I wondered if any kids with my brain will overturn the card and make the owner of the house with loafs of bread.

I mean, wouldn't YOU do that if you walked passed a house with a NO BREAD sign, and you flipped the card ..just for fun.

I know I wouldn't.

Seriously, I wouldn't.


I would think of it but not do it.

Is there a difference? To think of something evil but not do it?

I remember, long long time ago, my teacher said, "God is good. When you have evil thoughts, but you don't act it out, it's ok. Your points are not deducted. If you have good thoughts, and even when you don't act out the good deeds, you get points."

Waaaaah..can she be trusted?

If yes, then I am not so scared/worried. I have lots of evil tots, you see. And usually it's about people's inability to use their rightful craniums.

I think (most) people are stupid. They need lobotomies.


But I don't tell them what I think. Cos I don't hurl insults for thrills. (To confuse you more, am I a HIPPOcrite?)

I do wave these clouds of evil-action thoughts away. Shoo~ with a half hearted inner self-talk of "You think you very clever meh?"

And I have a list of sarky retorts on standby which I DON'T use.

And I have lots of good thoughts which I don't say aloud too. Like I think you are pretty.. you are cute..and you over there is kind. And you...yes you... You look like Andy Lau. See? I don't tell you these all the time, but..the thoughts are there.

So I am good?

*face look at sky and ponder*

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Milo talk

Today I had my period. Tmi, I know. But my kns period inflicted mood is officially over. Either that or gooly's happy tune of PAPA MAMA, XIE XIE NIE DI AI (mom dad,thank you for your love) really...I mean, really puts me in a jolly good mood.

And so we went for our usual tea session right after school. Gooly is always famished. It would seem that I hadn't fed him for 3 days.

We ordered a cup of milo - hot milo in a cup and saucer kind. And I suddenly remembered that my ahpa used to pour the milo into the saucer for me to sip (kinda like a cat) when I was younger. Was it so that I drink less? Or it has a cooling effect? I dunchno. But I did that for Gooly.

"This is what Gong Gong used to do. Pour some Milo into the saucer for me," I said, smiling. I was feeling all toasty warm inside. Nice feeling.

And then just to tease him a bit, I asked, "Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"No," he replied, with his milo-stained teeth. (He is not being truthful, is he?)

He bit the Roti Bakar and continued, "You should!"

I should, shouldn't I? And so I said, "I love you, son."

And he said, "Thank you for saying that," and smiled again his milo-stained smile.

Tea-time with Gooly is toasty-warmie. Nice.

Sing song

The other night, while driving with the Moon following us, Gooly decided to serenade me. As usual, he thinks of the tune and words as he sings - a talent not many have.

When he sings his own songs, the words don't rhyme and the tune seems copied. Not that it matters.He often draws inspiration from his surroundings. That night as we cruised along trees, houses, lamp posts and cranes (not the birds, it's the big mean machine), he was very inspired, to say the least.

So how do you make a theme out of a song when it's dedicated to your own mom, and it revolves around trees, houses, lamp posts and cranes and MOON? Yes..the moon. It was an important element.

I tried to memorise the words. With its simple and 'rojak' theme, it wasn't too hard. I just have to remember the route we took and the things we saw. Of course some words may be missing or replaced. But the plot is there.

*Ahem. Here goes..

Oh wait wait.. (I feel a bit kancheong singing here.) He said the title of the song is "My heart, Your Love." Wow! Like WOW, right?

Ok ok..pass me the mike.

This song...
Is for my mom..
Because I love her
She loves me too..
She's loverish..

My heart...
Your love....
We love each other..

*Look out window, sees moon*
And the Moon is following us
But actually it is not
It is just too big

*The car passing by some houses*
The house..
It cannot move
Not like the Moon...
Cos it''s "PARKERRED"* on the ground with cement

I forgot the part about the cranes. Evidently, "parkerred" was created at the spur of the moment.

Right there..after the cranes.. he started screaming. A loud screeching chorus which I had no idea what he was saying.

I looked at him incredulously.

"It's a rock song," he explained.

Ooooooh........... My ears! My ears!

He started laughing. Tears spurting kinda laugh.

Finally he drew a breath of relief and exclaimed,"Mom, this is fun. I always have fun with you."

I do, too, Gooly.. (but not my ears this time.)

*hangs mike back*

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Giving free hugs

Mom.. I love you.

Yes.. I love you too. Now. Go. To. The. Classroom. *in a pained -patient voice*

Wait wait wait.. Gimme a hug.

*hug and push* BYE!!! See you later! I will pick you up at 4! *start walking away*

MOM! I love you!

SIGH! Yes. I. Love.You. Too. *robotic voice*

Given the scene above and enduring his reluctance to part with me, it's little wonder that sometimes I wish I could just drop him off at the gate.

Kiss - Drop -Vroooom style.

But nooooo..... I have to drive, park, walk, kiss, hug a million times, sometimes wipe tears and shout BAI BAI like a broken record. Sometimes I stop the car in front of the school gate and shout, "Ok, pakcik will open the car door..and you walk down. Quick! The car behind is waiting."

Yet he never got down the car.

And so I have to drive, park, walk and scold him to school.

On easy days, I like the routine. I mean it's nice to look at pony-tailed girls and boogerish boys and hear things like Gooly, your momma is hawt!

And sometimes I see those independent kids who are driven by 'auntie/uncle bus'. They don't get kisses and hugs. They stand around gooly and I when we perform our tamil-movie sayonara scene.

And yesterday, a little boy (sent by a gruffy looking van driver) came to me with his hand outstretched. Oooh.. I suppose he wanted a hug from me too. Since I am a hugger, I don't mind giving him one. And he pressed his cheek on my lips. That darling stole a kiss! Haha.

And then another came. Ooh.. I have hugs aplenty to give.

Then it was GOODBYE for the 100000th time with Gooly.

I left the school compound smiling and slightly dazed.

Gooly is so privileged, me thinks, to be sent and picked up from school with kisses and hugs.

He aint heavy, he is my son

Sometimes..only sometimes I allow heavy Gooly to sit on my lap which he loves doing, totally oblivious about the suffering I have to endure.

And so he did yesterday, after squeezing thru the gap between the table and I.

As with many mothers, the first thing we do at this compromising position is to smell the stinky head.

"Mom, you are so loverish.." he said while I was whiffing.

Loverish? What the heck is loverish?

"It means you are so full of love for me."

Ah..glad that you know, Gooly cos loverish sounds like I am quite lovable but not really.. Or that I am a lover but then I am not, you know what I mean?

So..I am l.o.v.e.r.i.s.h. *smug* (actually more like groan and grunt cos..22kg wei!)


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