Do you exercise?

It's almost 9am. In the past two hours, I have:
a. served breakfast
b. done the laundry
c. had a brisk walk for 25 mins
e. had an apple
f. done some house chores
g. taken a bath

..with a few minutes to spare to 'fatt ngau tau.'

I have heard in some cities, people get stuck in traffic every single freaking day for 1 - 2 hours. 3, on some very 'kns' days. Look at my list for what we can accomplish in 2 hours, again.

It's frustratingly absurd to have that kinda of lifestyle - no time to exercise, no time to eat properly, no time for loved ones. Instead, they get stuck in the car listening to Taj My Baldi repeatedly on the radio (eh, btw, now hing what song?), or worse, korek hidung.

My Utopia will be a work place with a gym and a childcare service downstairs.

*use loud speaker and holler* Bosses and CEOs, do you care for your employees' general well-being?

I guess not because like Utopia, caring bosses don't exist.

I am not a health freak. The thing is my ahbu is not exactly the pink of health. It pains us to watch her in pain.

I am a wife, a daughter and a mother. The least I can do to love my family is to love and take care of myself.

Sure, some people drop dead even when they exercise regularly, eat healthily, don't smoke, don't drink, don't whore. People die all the time, and when I do, at least I can say I didn't make it happen.

When younger, doing the elementary stuff like eating fruits and drinking water were so taken granted for. Now it's a responsibility.

How do you take care of yourself? I don't mean pampering stuff like doing a manicure, having facials or massages. Neither do I mean a Brazilian wax. I mean like.. the most dreaded thing for most of us - exercise? And eating an apple a day? Banana? Oranges? Durians

I know more than half of my friends and family don't.

:(

Nicks

The first time I heard a Thai nickname, I nearly spurted the coffee I was drinking. It was Plip. Was his real name Philip? Nope. It was Somchai Sriwattana Ramkamhaeng. OK. I made that up. But my point is Thai nicks need not to be remotely close to the original name.

I am very used to people adopting Chris for Christopher, Haslina to Lina, Muniandy to Andy. So I find it very amusing how a local Thai would choose their child's nick. Come on, choosing the real name is tough enough. Then again, the temple monks do the job. So perhaps that's how the parents have all the time to ponder on the nick. Perhaps again they wait till the labour moment and stick the head out of the window to check the weather. That's how my friend has the name, Fon (rain). I am not sure what Porn's parents were thinking though. Another friend is named Pop (Popeye) and her brother, X (X men). Obviously the father watched too much cartoon. But never call X - x.. it's Ek. After Ek, I met A. I suppose his siblings are the rest of the alphabet.

Other equally amusing nicks I came across include Bang, Bong, Ya, Jeap and Tuk. Take note that most names are mono-syllabic.I have met two syllabus - Kenya but rarely you find them because they can name two kids with Kenya, Ken and Ya.

You will never really run out of nicks in Thailand because any audibles can be made into names. I once asked if the teachers call them by their real names or nicks. The latter of course.

So the question is when do they ever use their real name? Well, it's only for National Identity Card, passport and of course, when you appear in the newspaper.

Crap, no?

Pet peeves

There are a number of things which irk me in life. Here's the list in random order:
a) flies on rubbish, food, corpses
b) people who dig the nose in public
c) people who dig the nose in public and roll the boogers into balls and flick them
d) chicken breasts
e) chinese parsley a.k.a poison
f) play dough not in the right coloured container
g) taugeh in curry mee
h) robbers, i mean cops, i mean robbers. Same difference!
i) the Sun on a hot day
j) stupidity (mine included)
k) hypocrisy

This shall be updated from time to time. Why do I think you want to know my pet peeves? I'm hoping that you will spread the news so I don't have to get irritated that often. Thanks in advance for your co-operation.

Pool stories

Gooly and I resumed our swimming activity after a short break. We went to the pool and met another father/son squad.

Dad threw boy into the adult pool without a float. Next he threw in a stone. Kaploink! Jr. dunked his head under to search for it.

I am equally amazed and appalled because Jr. is only three. Gooly is three too and he swims with an unsinkable float. Sometimes I get him to use the kicking board to for extra safety measure. I am always at arm's length within his reach.

Meanwhile, the man swims away from Jr. who is left alone at the ADULT pool. I couldn't bear to stay in case I witness my first drowning misadventure of a child, whose dad was probably too gung ho about the upcoming Olympic Games.

Here's news to dad - there is no Under 3 event.

What Lonely Planet Thailand doesn't tell you

Do you know that Thai men become monks at least once in their lifetime so that their parents could go to heaven? The robe that they wear during monk hood is presented to the parents. It serves like the ticket to The Land of Glory. I like the idea though I am not a Buddhist believer. It highlights the ultimate filial piety where the offsprings actually do something to ensure the parents' admission.

This is the one of the few things I like about Thai cultures. Another will be the greeting of 'wai' where one clasps both hands together and bows the head slightly. It is a very gentle mannerism. When Gooly was younger, he did the cutest 'wai'. His bow was way too low, about 90 degrees but it was awfully cute.

In Thailand, or at least in the Mooban I stay in, everyone practices 'what's yours is mine and vice versa. It's a bit overwhelming when the nong comes over with dirty hands and dips in the bag of chips you will no longer enjoy. Nonetheless, it's a charming culture. When Gooly goes cycling, my dear neighbour insists that I take her bicycle so I could cycle side by side, instead of chasing after him. Though I must say her act of kindness often causes sore bum (the seat is adjusted too high)but I know not to complain when one is being exceptionally sweet.

Speaking of sweetness, Thais have a strong liking for sugar. I once witnessed a young chap scooping eight teaspoons of sugar into his bowl of soup noodles. Yup, soup noodles. I don't even put that much of saccharine into their rightful places; my daily cups of coffee. Along with the sugar are chili oil, vinegar and soya sauce. Scoop those in and you have a err.. nice bowl of sweet, salty, sour, spicy soup noodles. They also like fried stuff; pork, chicken, crickets, fish, prawns. Ronald's fast food restaurant are always jam packed. I don't know how the Thais fare in the health department but I sure don't see many horizontally challenged individuals around. The irony of life.

Thailand is famous for its other name, The Land of Smiles. Sure, they can be friendly. Like the cab driver who asked me my name and shamelessly wonders aloud how much is my husband's salary. This is the time the mobile becomes really handy. Get busy dialing numbers or lunge it at the 'friendly' driver.

Once in a while, you do meet the not so friendly locals. They are usually the cranky sales persons who bark, NO TOUCH NO TOUCH or NO SAI NO SAI (no size no size). Sometimes I want to tell them, "I was really in a mood to splurge but not anymore". Of course, "Me many money. You no get business" will be better understood. Then I imagine speeding (I admit I am a coward) off looking for a cab while deciding to pray for a friendly or non-friendly one. It will be just my rotten luck to get one who tells me,"Traffic jam..no go." This man I can categorise under "leisure worker". The same for the chicken rice seller who runs out of rice at lunch time and decides NOT to cook extra but to close the stall, I reiterate at 1pm.

Welcome to Thailand.

Some people never change. neither will I

With FB and MSN, digging up old long lost friends is just a click away. These past months I have indeed been keeping in touch with a handful of them.

After weeks of chats, I realised why they were "lost' friends. They have not changed one bit. Mr A is still a Casanova. Mr. B is still a workaholic. Ms X is still ignorantly dense. And yours truly is still judgmental.

Mind you, not that I am proud of it. It's just that I realised some things and some people never change, including me. Part of me feel consoled that my decisions to abandon those friendships eons ago were right on the spot because of how they were. On the other hand, I feel fairly disappointed that they are the same.

I mean shouldn't we have grown up and be better persons, for humankind? I wish Mr. A will find true love, Mr. B will spend more time with his family and Ms. X.. Is there a cure for stupidity? :P

OK.. I need to change too. I shall be less judgmental on my next blog. I shall try.

Once upon a long long time ago..

When I was thin.. hang on.. I was never thin.. Let's start over. When I was thin-ner, I used to wear halternecks and dresses. Walking in heels was excruciating but not a problem. Mascara, eyeliner, blush, lipstick - they were always in order. Handphone the size of err.. a pencil case (not a small one either) was tucked into either the back pocket of Levis or mini handbags.

All cross- checked, I went trit-trot-tritting across the valley to the sounds of music. In other words, discotheque/club. Gosh, are those words obsolete now? If they are not, I am sure these are: Branigans, Fire, Modesto, Arena, Jump, Beach, Boom Boom. Were you there too? Prancing and dancing to nanananan, babe give it up, babe give it up? Or YMCA, complete with the idiotic alphabeting movements?

If we wound the clock backwards a bit more, we'd be in Picadilly, where dancing in a circle was considered cool. Much much later, techno and trance music were everywhere. Headache, ear-ache but still bearable.

Fast forward to life at present in Bangkok. Superbed Club, RCA. Sure, heard and read of them. But no thank you if you want a night out with me. I have aged gracefully. But just a note to Gooly; Mahmee was hip and happening before. ;-)

Aiseh man..

Life exists for a reason. While some people think their life is dedicated to noble and heroic acts such as saving planet earth or protecting endangered species, right at the other end of the spectrum is a group of nincompoops whose sole existence on earth is to inject harsh remarks in their daily conversations, aimed to annoy, irritate, cause misery to the other conversant, for their own merryment.

For instance, exhibit A will say, "Wah, you so fat already!" to exhibit B, after a 15 seconds preamble of hellos. If exhibit B was Sawisekilo, who is well known to have a laser mouth (imagine her words lashed out from her mouth in neon lights), I'd say good luck to exhibit A.

Just the other day, a sub-species of the nasty kind commented, "Aiyo, why you cut your hair so short? You look so much better in long hair." Sawisekilo cleverly retorted, "My husband likes it so much."

Whooot! And thus, we should be prepared at all times for such ill remarks.

Example A: "You so fat already." This can be countered by saying, "Yes, this new diet finally worked for me."

Example B: "What is wrong with your face? So many pimples." Your retort could be, "Yalor, too much ginseng and abalone. Too heaty"

Never mind that they don't make sense because these nincompoops will never get it anyways. They will walk away in daze, not knowing what hit them. They will probably think of something to say, about 48 hours later. By then, we will be sipping coffee and devising yet another repartee. Whoot whoot wooray!

When silence kills..

Some people are argumentative. They like to superimpose their ideas. I am quite the contrary. If you thought Brad Pitt is hot and I thought my armpit can be hotter, I won't be holding a debate with you to see whose opinion is more accurate.

That doesn't mean I am not opinionated. Heck, my opinions are often brimming at my cerebrum. But I know when they are wanted or otherwise. I'd listen if you have something to say. I don't have to agree with you and vice versa.

BUT if you keep on babbling about how your opinion is the SUPREME one, I'd give you the silent treatment. If you happened to have a debate with me and I'd gone uncommunicative, don't think you have succeeded in convincing me.

I am just silently hating you. Cheers!

Chasing dreams

My closest experience with any musical instrument is the violin, which I played so mediocre-ly. I have outlined a plan. I will one day play Moonlight Sonata on the violin.

Five minutes have passed. I am still snickering at my own thought. Whilst I am daydreaming, I should push the envelope further. Let's make a list of I WILL ONE DAY:
1) play the piano
2) play golf and tennis
3) have more than one kid
4) speak French
5) be slim
6) stay in a different country for a short period of time every year
7) visit Mt Everest on a helicopter (you thought I was gonna climb it? Duh!)
8) make a snowman

ROFL. Some of the things are not too far-fetched, ie. dreams no. (2), (7) and (8). I just have to find some sponsors. Hint! Hint! However, no. (5) is .. aiyayaya. Being an astronaut seems easier considering that I have a penchant for food and sleep. Not a good combo. No. 6 is hard to achieve too. It's a tad too late to find a nomad to get married to. No. (3) seems like a cruel joke now.

Nonetheless, I am determined to dream on for "nothing happens unless first we dream." Besides, it doesn't cost anything and it sure is nice to dream when it rains. (Yeah, it's pouring outside.) Drip drip drop, drip, drip, drop - the perfect rhythm for idyllic dreams.

And so I will do a lot of things when I am 45.. or 55. The latter if I got distracted baking pies, sewing clothes, doing online business and taking pictures. At the meantime, I should do some research on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It was unheard of during my kinder-years. You think I may have ADHD?

Nah.. I am just a dreamer albeit only on rainy days.. : )

Luo Ye Gui Gen

To translate it loosely, the old Chinese proverb above means fallen leaves returning to roots. I have always appreciated Chinese idioms and proverbs though never really understood them. It is my wish still to learn the language and more.

Maybe it comes with age.. perhaps it comes only when you reside in a foreign country. Yes, Bangkok is only 736 miles away from home but it remains unfamiliar to us in terms of culture, language, food and more.

For now, I have a quest to rekindle my roots of being a Malaysian Chinese. Ten years ago, Chinese New Year had meant hot weather with lots of snoozes in between. This year we celebrated the mark of the new spring in Bangkok. Suddenly it was not about the siestas anymore. Suddenly it had become important that Gooly saw a lion dance.

There was even a brouhaha between papah and myself about getting the right paraphernalia; the kumquat, angpows and fire crackers. If we could, we wanted to paint the town RED.

The reunion dinner was equally important. I would have gobbled up the Hawaiian Pizza years ago as a treat for the dinner, without any qualms. Now, no way, Jose. The table has to be laden with chicken, duck, fish, prawn, mushrooms. Bring on the Chinese parsley even if I hated it.

I didn't insist on wearing red this year but I would not be surprised if I do so next year. At the other end of the spectrum is some friends who have migrated, married and adopted a foreign way of life. One claimed not to be a chinese because she is married to an eurasian.

Meanwhile, Mahmeee in a not so far away land could only look at the moon and hum silently, yueliang tai piau wo de xin (the moon represents my heart). She had never imagined liking the cheesy China's best-loved song but she feels it's a rendition suitable for the sombre mood she has while hoping one day she could luo ye gui gen.

Serendipity

According to my trusted Wikipedia, serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate while looking for something else entirely. Say you are looking for the famous roti canai stall and got lost. Feeling too hungry to explore further, you decide to eat at the next stop and it turns out to be the best nasi kandar you have ever tasted. What a pleasant surprise. It is so pleasant that I think I should just psyche myself to stoicism, just so I become indifferent about everything only to be surprised later by new discoveries. To put it simply, I should head to Starbucks strictly for coffee, and (not) wait for serendipity to happen. Perchance another mummy will find me amusing and want to be friends. But then I read about Peter Mcwilliams who thinks," in reality serendipity accounts for one percent of blessings we received in life, work and love. The other 99% is due to our efforts. " So how, brown cow? I could be waiting forever for serendipity to happen. I should just smile and say hello, huh? And someone I know should really head down to THE GOOD GUYS. ; ) Efforts, my friend..