An appeal

At the old mooban, we used to leave for the park at exactly 5pm. Gooly would start pestering me to bring him there around noon. "Is it time yet?" x 100 times in a day. Things have not changed one bit. He is still very cheong hei. It annoys me so and to be frank, the annoyance has escalated in recent months.

So how?

I take a deep breath and say, "Damn! This boy is persistent!"

***

Parts of his daily speech include, "Follow me." "No, you are wrong." "You must do like this, ok, Mom? Ok, Mom? Ok, Mom? Ok, Mom?"

So how?

I slap my forehead and say, "Oh man! This boy is persistent AND bossy!"

***

Because of his persistent nature, I do get palpably upset with him. And the following has happened before:

Him: I want a chocolate.
Me: No.
Him: *pesters and annoys the bollocks out of me*
Me: Ok, fine. Go have one.
Him: *starts wailing* NOOOOO! I don't want!
Me: *What the heckaroo?*

And yesterday while about to board the BTS to town, he was suddenly teary. So I asked sympathetically if he was tired and if he would like to go home instead. Maybe I didn't put any make up on yesterday, so the scary face actually made my suggestion sounded more like a threat (Cry some more, you want to go home, is it?) in which triggered an impressive bawl of a lifetime from him.

Eventually we did climb on the train, with him holding his papah's hand for dear life. After awhile, he came and touched our peace-maker necklace and said, "I love you, Mom."

Look, he is usually loving. And cute. And smart.

But.....there are times when the tears become too much for me. The outbursts.. the stubbornness.. the strong will of a mule to do things his way.. Gawd!

Sometimes I wonder if he could be a little bit more flexible. Like, if i said, "Come on, let's go!" and he would follow suit. And not, "5 more minutes!" for a bargain.

BUT! The train ride must have jogged my brain to the right corner. I suddenly had a light bulb moment. Except that the light bulb was in a bicycle image. And the wheels were turning backwards.

Don't understand?

Well, I just thought that I need to back pedal fast. Some of the things that I said or did must be wrong, as in my (cruel) retorts may have resulted his negative response. Maybe I am indeed a dictator. Action reaction kinda philosophy, don't you think?

No, I am not blaming myself. I'm just taking responsibility as a mother whose important role is to change the negatives into positives:

* Bossiness to leadership qualities.
* Persistence to the ability to withstand hardship in pursuit of a goal.
* Etc.

The list is too boringly long so I won't continue. (Etc. makes it sound like I have more points but in actual fact, I only have two :P)

Sometimes we as parents wonder about our kids, "Why you so like that? Why are you so difficult?" Oh boy.. do we even think, why are WE like that? Why are WE so difficult? Cos sometimes, we are the problem, not them.

Like it or not, parenting is that heavy a responsibility. Sure, there are genes to be considered, but WE ARE NOT OFF THE HOOK just yet. How they turn out to be, really depends on their surroundings and etc. (Etc. makes it sound like I know more than I really do. Teehee..)

Future Gooly, sorry if I had tried to dampen your spirits or worse, making you into what you are not.

FYI, I am back-pedaling fast. I will do something about my mothering skill.. so that your little outbursts will not turn into a full-scale rebellion. *gulp*

I am trying. Give me one more chance. Erase what I said or did which are not right. Like you, I am still learning. Just that I am learning to be a mom, and you, a man.