I grew up with an aunt who stayed with us for a couple of years. It was the most crucial few years in which I hit puberty, a.k.a the period which forms the characteristics of what I am today. Not the whole package, but some influences here and there.
She was the sort who had a manual about how girls should be. Contohnya, girls should learn to cook, clean and bla bla bla. Seeing that I was a wild Jane who only cycled around the neighbourhoid after school, she decided to shape me up into a domestic lady. She would nag, order, ask or whatever you call it, to wake at 8 am, make the bed, wash the fan etc. Indeed, I was quite a Cinderella. I hated everything I had to do, but I did it because I was obedient.
Fast forward to today, I don't wake at 8, don't make the bed (unless kakak is not around) and definitely don't clean the fan (papah does it). I think her dictatorship has caused an adverse outcome.
That is why I find that I'm being less forceful with gooly. Because I know forcing a child to do something whether out of convenience or expectations, the child will most likely compel and then rebel.
Take the most common thing a mom has to ask her child to do - homework. I know certain moms allocate some slots for them. Yes, it's a good routine and discipline. But as the child grows, all he wanna do is to break free.if you think about it,there's a little selfish deed in that practise. That is because we have more activities these days - shopping, lunches, parties, shopping, parties and more shopping, we 'force' the child to finish his homework at a specific time and day.
I don't have much money to shop, and I hate the week end crowd. And i also believe the more we do, the less we achieve, especially in the aspect of spending a day at the mall. Therefore, we have two full days to complete school home works. Gooly chooses when he does it, and how he wants to do it (finish all or half, to be continued at the next session). Of course there are times that we do go out or his cousins and friends are coming over, and I'd tell him in advance. He would then know how to finish everything before we head out. Or not. He gets to decide.
So it's like this -
Do you have homework? (Yes)
A lot or just a little ? (Two excercises)
I see..when do you want to do it? (Tomorrow)
Ok, but we are going out for lunch and may come back late. Do you think you'll have time to finish them after that? (hmmmm...)
Or you want to finish everything tonight? (I think can finish tomorrow. It's quite easy.)
Ok..up to you.
And he has never not finished his homework. And very often, he brings out his books on his own, with little reminder, at times.
That way, he learns about time management and responsibilities. I think kids need to believe that they have a choice and they need to be respected.
And also, we both don't pop any veins, have high blood pressures or hate each other.