Smile

I have always been a smile-r. Born in the 70s, raised in the 80s, I was probably influenced by the smile song which was aired over RTM 1. Remember? The one that goes:

A smile is quite a funny thing, it lightens up your face..?

The so called MTV had montages of children and wrinkly octogenarians smiling. The kinda smiles that crept slowly and had long lasting images in your brain. I smiled so much during my younger days that one of my friend's cynical mum asked, "Chap toe kum ah?" (Did I strike gold?) Upon self-reflection, I decided to adopt a cooler personality. So I'd go to school looking moody on purpose. Instead of being perceived as the cool chick, I was however thought to be a PMS-inflicted teenager, full of angst and hatred.

Within a year, I dropped the sad, constipated mask. By year end, I was described as 'jovial' in the yearbook. So that's probably what most of the school mates will remember me by - the girl who smiled a lot despite her mouthful of braces (I hope not with Kangkung in between).

After form 6, I worked at a production house where the crew often had photography sessions when the boss wasn't around. Studio shots in B & W were a rare commodity then. Hence, Rani- the tealady, Din -the dispatcher and I, the receptionist welcome these illegal, closed-door sessions. Being eccentric, the photographers had wanted more avant-garde shots. They wanted me to look sultry. They wanted my face to reflect the tortured soul in me. If I could act the part, they would have wanted a forlorn prostitute looking out the window kinda shots. But alas, I am a SMILEY supermodel. Bring out the lights, camera and SMILE! No actions, just smile. I think the photographers gave up and threw in the remark, "Ok ok, smile.. but don't smile like a siao chabor.." *gasp* I didn't know I had looney smiles.

Despite that, I continue smiling at cameras now. I have accepted it as a chronic malady. My teeth show so much in pictures that some idiot truthful friend nicknamed me "Watermelon".

When I had a sack of potatoes as tummy, total strangers smiled a lot at me. I supposed I was a happy preggie woman. I like to believe that happiness emancipated from within then. So I smiled, and a smile made two those kinda shits .

The other day, a friend blogged that the parking lady gave her a genuine smile as she exited the parking lot cum shitty day. She felt happier after that. I don't know if my smiles were that powerful considering that according to some professionals.. erm.. you know..I look a bit 'pak chi'.

Just for conversation sake; I realise we generally don't smile to people we see everyday. Think about it.. do you smile to your hub? Your children? Weird or not if you wake up and smile at the person next to you? (excluding one night stands :P)Aiya.. don't care la. I admit I am 'pak chi' cos I smile to Gooly a lot. And I think he inherited the smiling genes. That day while I was filling up the tank, he sat inside the car and gazed out the window. His eyes caught mine and a smile spread across his face. It was a 'pleased to meet you' kinda smile. I waved back cheerily.

So, what makes you smile? Babies? Dogs? Babes? People falling into longkang? People's "longkang"? *nudge nudge gargies*

How on earth I got married Part 4

..and so the day arrived. For the boring can die dinner at the chinese restaurant. There weren't many people we invited as we had had the hawaiian-themed party weeks before. We wondered if we could skip the 3 tier champagne pouring and ugly cake cutting ceremonies. And in the end, we decided to just get it over with. You know, with the dreaded faitit- faitit feeling.

I really like my hairdo for that night though. It was a classy 'bun'. I wore a turquoise corset which Sharkira and I sewn sequins on. It was a couple of hours job. Nothing too painstaking. Not to mention, CHEAP!And then I changed into a chinese cheong sam to show off my svelte body. *evil laugh*Just because I am not putting a picture here, I can bluff. No-lah, my body was never svelte. It was less hippo-looking though :P. I just thought I wanted something China-like cos afterall, we all chinese, ain't we? The hairdo really matched the cheong sam, which has bamboos embroided. Bamboos, I think signifies long lasting marriage.

Thus nothing was red, or remotely bright. One of my aunties, much expected, commented, "Aiyoo.. why brue brue? No red red?" Come on lah, auntie.. I am not that chinese. :P As for the cheong sam, I can use it for my waitressing career. Don't waste, eh?

A week later, we had the tea ceremony. Due to some miscommunication, (yet to be) papah James and his entourage had to wait at the Mamak restaurant, all garbed handsomely in shirts and pants. Teehee. Meanwhile, friends and families fussed over the bride, who didn't do her manicure, pedicure and facials. Eeek! They nearly 'pengsan' seeing the cincai bride. But alas, with power makeup, she turned out to be Princess Mariposa. *gag gag gag* Again, I am bluffing. Chui meh?

Just like many other chinese weddings, there were games to 'kenakan' the groom before he gets the fair and lovely bride la.. Woi.. give face a bit, okeh?. Don't vomit anymore la. Anyways, there wasn't anything unusual. There were 'tai paus' and gassy drinks as breakfast for them, though they had to finish them in a record time of 2 minutes. Hoi, not my idea, okeh? I was the shy bride waiting to be absconded.

Then after stage 1, they had to go through ROUND 2; Q & A session. There were 10 questions, in which he got only 1 correct. 1/10. CERTIFIED FAILED. For example:

Q: Where was your wife born?
A: In a taxi.

Bwahahah. The shy bride nearly fell off the chair laughing. Not demure already!! But... Yehoooo! He was really what I expected to be; the original recipe ;)

And then it was SHOW ME THE MONEY part. Hehehhehe. Chum char, and get angpows!! Kaching! You could see the dollah signs in our eyes. No-lah. I am bluffing. You believe I am bluffing, right? Say yes!

In the afternoon, we boarded the plane to Alor Star. And then 'kaching', the cash register rings again. :P I left the sourcing of makeup artist to my sister in law. So, I went there, telling the hairstylist, "Simple ehsai liao". For the dinner, it was the same mantra.

And there you have it! We were married ..eh.. but not legally. Haha. Did you realise we were not registered at the registrar yet?

We actually went for the honeymoon first.. not the next day. Not the next week.. but 6 months later. Cincai or not? And then, four months later, I was *real gags* pregnant. We cleverly chose June 28th to sign the 'contract'. So it was exactly one year after he failed the Q & A ultimate quiz, that we were pronounced as Mr and Mrs Lim.

Gooly likes to ask, "Where am I?" whenever he sees pictures of our younger days. Pointing at the pictures at the registrar office, I can now say truthfully, "You were in Mahmee's tummy."

:) Merry Christmas, everyone!

How on earth I got married Part 3

Dumm dee dumm.. where were we? Ah yes.. "value for money wedding album"(read comments on previous post), according to Papah James who wouldn't read my blog even if paid, but miraculously stumbled upon it when the topic is related to him. Spooky? *X-files music*. ESP? *Twilight Zone music* Serendipity? *Whatever love-soundtrack music*

Anyways, in May, I (not 'we'..you should know I am the decision maker by now :P) planned a Hawaiian-theme party. We I found this nice al-fresco restaurant at Mount Kiara, and threw a dinner, strictly for friends. It turned out the restaurant was to be closed down the very next day after our party. So 'hoe yee tau', eh? But it being the last night for the manager and chef and other staff, they were very accommodating. It was a party for them as well. We had roast lamb and.. err.. help me with this, will ya, papah? :p

I had wanted a crazy frizzy hairdo for that dinner. What seemed so plausible then, seems idiotic in retrospect. I had an orchid in my hair somewhere, can you imagine? My corset was pink, my satin skirt was too tight. Papah wore a reddish Hawaiian shirt - something he wouldn't be caught dead in now. Friends turned up in colourful summer dresses or sarongs. As favors, they got orchids which some put on wrists as corsages, others pin it in their hair. The guys.. erm.. arr.. ah.. let's just say there were no alkie left after the party.

I remember vaguely a fraction of the night where Papah James was asked to give an impromptu speech. How could it be impromptu? He ought to have written his own personal vows, and declaration of love, right? But he was not an ordinary groom. He did everything with style.. His speech began with:

"Wa gian nit tzin hua hi..." (Hokkien: Today I am very happy)

Cheers erupted amidst his hooligan friends. I think I kinda stared at him disbelievingly. And then, white noise. 5 years later, that's all I remember of his 'ceramah' - wa gian nit tzin hua hi..

Out of the blue, someone suggested a game. I rolled my eyes, they didn't care. It was one of those Q & A session, where they interrogated us separately. We had the the exact same answers, which didn't qualify us for the MOST COMPATIBLE COUPLE because.. we were just too weird! I don't remember all the questions asked, but one of it was:

Who says sorry first whenever there is an argument/fight?

Our answer: No one.

I think there was an awkward 5 seconds silence. Haha! I could almost hear the prediction of "DIVORCE" in the air. But hey, lookie lookie... 5 years, no one says sorry and we are still pronounced as Mr and Mrs Lim! :P And there will be more years to come.

Papah James, 'gian nit hua hi boe?" Miss you too..:)

How on earth I got married Part 2

After I graduated, I balik kampung to KL. And he follow suit.

Between 1999 and 2002, nothing much happened. That's why sometimes I have to forgive him for his failing memory cos I do suffer the effects of gingko deficiency too. :P

Then one fine day, this conversation took place:


Me: Eh, want to get married ah?
Him: Need meh?
Me: Need laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

And he called his mom and mumbled something about a knife at his neck and marriage. -_-

I began making lil notes in a lil booklet about the one-year ahead plan, until he discovered it, and started to sabotage it by making silly comments like "NO MONEY" under my pathetic drawing of a tube gown. Flipping through the pages now, I realised he called me DING DONG a lot last time.

We went to Poh Kong and bought a diamond ring. He had to china-fied it by buying Magnum with the receipt number. But good thing was, we kena lottery! Woohoo! He offered to use the easy-earned (how often can we say that??) money for a bigger diamond. I declined and still hitting my head against the wall today.

The next thing to do was to decide on the date. Picking a weekend that coincides with a celebration (my birthday, his birthday or Christmas) would be one less date to remember. But marriage is never about convenience, is it? Darn! And so we had to pay a visit to the infamous Loh Tit 8. In less than 5 minutes, we got the dates along with some do's and dont's which we didn't intend to follow, and hey presto, we were Rm100 poorer.

Being the ever independent and weird bride to be, I went to bridal shops with a girl friend, instead of him. Seriously, would a guy be interested in deciding the gown for his bride? I didn't care if he did. Thank God he couldn't care less cos I'd surely stab him with the stilettos if he were the type to say, "Too fat, too short, too long, too pouffy, too revealing." There is a time and place to be opinionated, agree?

While we looked like odd lesbo partners (my friend and I), we didn't care. I tried on gaudy gowns but being pear-shaped, only tube gowns with can-can bottoms suited me. And I totally detested the idea of VVIP gown selection with additional charge. I didn't care if the package came with a 3 ft by 3ft poster because, helloh! 3 years down the road, I will vomit looking at myself with the hideous hair-do and make up. And guess what? I didnt have to wait that long to hate the look on MY wedding poster (which I cleverly decided not to post here. Haha!)

Anyways, I remember clearly about a photo album on display at one of the bridal shops. The bride's armpit stubbles were visible. My oh my... I thought digital enhancement was possible.

Come to think of it, I don't know why I bothered with the studio shots. I knew my smiles will look fake, my pose stiff, my face..fat. Hmm.. for fun, I guess. And it was pretty fun actually. We had a nice photographer who obliged our requests of:
a. just white backdrops
b.no kissing shots
c. no dreamy-i-am-so-in -love shots

In return, I compromised with the hairdos. The 3 storey-high hairdo was removed to a much subtle looking one after a few shots. I didnt want the kimono, spanish, korean costumes because I am a Chinese. I didn't want to do an outdoor shot because of the weather.

Hence, instead of "I WANT I WANT I WANT" the studio was pleased for once with the odd "KEEP IT SIMPLE" couple. A few weeks later, we went to collect the album. As expected, I looked like my mom. A photocopy version..

Today the dusty poster hung over the bed. Gooly asked if the bride was me. And I just had to test him: "Pretty or not?"

"Just a little bit.."


Char toe...........

Part 3 tomorrow..

How on earth I got married Part 1

It's not our anniversary.. it's not valentines. I am just feeling a bit 'hiao' and want to reminisce, can or not?

It's gonna be a rather long post, but no worries.. Gag-free guaranteed cos our wedding should be the most 'cincai' you have ever attended or heard. All in all there were 5 ceremonies. During the last dinner at Alor Star, we were so bored, and my SIL was right when she said, "Your wedding is like never-ending." So you see, it's all about QUANTITY, not quality. It all began.... *time machine clicks and beeps*

Circa 1998.. We were in Penang, me studying and him, just got back from the States and working as an engineer. I like to say we met when my bra dropped from my 13th floor balcony to his 9th. Upon seeing the DDD cups, he decided to ask me out. Alas, this is not a booby tale. Instead, it was so normal and boring the way we met; through a mutual friend. *Yawn yawn* It was at the chinese kopitiam and I was walloping a 'taipau'. He thought I was snobbish (what rubbish!) and the feeling was mutual. The second time we met, it was at the same restaurant and same 'taipau' for lunch. Deja vu. But this time round he made a comment which went something like:

"Shaddap la.. Eat your 'taipau' la.."

Haha.. I am sure he didn't but I'd like to accuse that he did cos that's the way he talks to me now. Anyways, I thought he was less 'lansi' and thus begin the journey of courtship. He will tell you that I courted him. He is amnesiac and a fool, that's all I can say.

A few months later, we were at the beach. He was wearing a stripy Reebok tee which I dubbed "the bumblebee". It wasn't even black and yellow. See how mysterious my brain works? I was clad in a black blouse which btw doesn't fit anymore. The jeans too of course. He dug a hole in the sand and buried my foot next to his. I asked, "Eh, you like me ah?" and he said, "Duh.. apuden." (haha.. again.. something to that effect la).

Sorry to have disappointed you. The setting was pretty romantic but there were no fools. Only two people wasting no time in guessing games or 'hard to get' nonsense. We say, "Jump on into the l.o.v.e wagon if the feelings are right, babeh!"

Of course I had to warn him.. "I am very manja one, you know.." And he said, "I let you manja lorr". That has to be the most romantic promise he made, which I need to remind him every now and then. But then he will fake the worst case of amnesia whenever I mention this. Which is worse: faking a chronic illness or saying," Eat the synonym of dung la!"?

Hmm...

Part 2 later..

My Auto-Shut-Off mode

Tears.. cries.. whines.. These three elements are my auto-shut-off mode. The moment I hear them, my brain goes TIT just like the computer which keyboard has been pressed Ctrl + Alt+Del. Meanwhile, Gooly is such a hampao.

Sei moe?

So the past weeks have been torturous, for both him and me. He cried, and I refused to listen and give in, eventhough, or should I say, ESPECIALLY for small stuff. Just like the other day, he left his toy in his kaimai's car. Instead of asking for it, he started crying first. Instead of just getting it for him, I let him wail. So ended up, he had a bad day, and so did I!

And the story I was too shy to publish yesterday (:P). It was like this:

My sis bought a Christmas pressie for Gooly's cousin. Gooly has chosen his 'berching and shering' sound effects sword. But the moment he saw the other box, he took it under his arm and proclaimed as his. When my sis said it wasn't for him, guess what he did? Neh, paling pandai one? Cry la! What else?

Woi! This mahmee cannot stand such nonsense. So I dragged him into the room, with his cries of "Yee yee! Yee yee! Ah maaaa!" throughout the neighbourhood.

"IS this yours?" I asked.

"I don't want to answer, mama!"

Woi! I could feel my nostrils flaring, I tell ya. And he went on like a Bollywood actor, "Yee yee. I want Yee yee!" Obviously he thought Yee Yee would come to his rescue. For that, I have already planned ahead and locked the room. *evil grin*

After I calmed him down by holding him tightly, I explained about being greedy and other boring stuff. He got it, and returned the box.

Haiz! Most of the time, people say "it ended with tears." But for his case, it's always "starts off with tears." Grrr...

But after much self-reflection on the mirror (I admit, I am a bit of Narcissus), I should be more patient with him. At least let him cry two minutes, eh?

Anyone knows how to re-programme my internal software? Make it more tolerant towards Gooly's cries la..

My beloved nephews

They were here since yesterday as their parents went to PD for a getaway. We lined up a string of activities to keep them occupied. Everything we did, there would be something in thier mannerism that impress me. I shouldn't be too surprised as they have been the most angelic kids I have ever seen; very mild temperament. Their mom has often chided, "Like dinosaurs, extinct already!!"


Monopoly
First we played the bored board game. The youngest got to roll first, meaning Gooly. I didn't even have to suggest. The set back of the game was that I couldn't remember what I have purchased, but the kids were honest enough to cough up the mortagage when they landed on my property (they have much better memory). But what I couldn't understand was that they would insist on paying more even though they have the exact change, because with more notes, it gave them the impression that they were indeed richer. So a very simple fine of $120 could end up being very complicated as follows:
a. they gave me $150
b. I returned $50
c. they gave me back $30
d. I returned $... err.. whatever they demanded

Haha.. they probably know my math sucks. Meanwhile, Gooly hung on tight to his cash, refused to buy any train station or property. Aiyer.. no fun one.

Christmas Shopping
And then we headed out to the cheap toy store so that everyone gets to pick a RM10 pressie. No fuss at all. They put back the RM11 toy because rule is rule; no more than RM10.

Lunch
"What do you want for lunch?"
"Anything.."
"Pizza or KFC?"
"Too expensive la. Eat something cheaper la.."

Can? From a 9 year old?

The next day, we went to the Titiwangsa Park. The two boys fought in the car. Bwahahaha. I mean, they are perfectly normal. 90% angel, and then some devilish actions. The creme de la creme of the outing was having one of the boys teaching us the acronym of F.U.C .. you know the last letter.

Father Understands Chinese Kungfu, he told us.

Oh well, if they had not been naughty at times, I would wonder if they were programmed like robots. But still, I think my bro and sis-in-law had raised them well. Ting kwa kwa!

Now.. I had omitted earlier the part where Gooly took another cousin's toy and proclaimed as his. Haiya.. when the other boys were so well-behaved, my Gooly like that. Shy-nyer.... Tomorrow only story laa.