The Fan

Why does the fan look like it has many many..of that thing..when it's moving. But when it stops, it's just 3..of that thing..

He meant the blades. I thought that was a very good Physics question. Just that I don't have the answer.

Thus I said, "Why are you staring at the fan? Go read some books."

Mrs. Lee- my back neighour

The palace that I am living in (for close to 25 years) has a kitchen that typically extends to the border of the behind neighbour. What separates us would be a grille atop a block of cement wall. Given the close proximity, Mr and Mrs Lee have developed an annoying nosy habit of watching what my mom cooks. Not that my mom minds even though she calls them "The Nosy Couple" all the time.

(Speaking of which, we have nicknames for a few other neighbours i.e. The Lion Head, Skinny Lady, Inspector, Crazy French. We are probably "The Family with Old Junk Cars".)

Back to "The Nosy Couple'.

Though my parents are in amicable terms with them, we (the kids) pretty much scurry around the kitchen without giving them much attention. I mean, we are used to the extra head or two overlooking our kitchen after living in the condition for the past 25 years.

Sometime last year, Mrs. Lee fell and fractured her leg. Mr. Lee wasn't strong enough to carry her into the car to the hospital. So they asked for help. My help. I was annoyed. I was like, Man.. I am sleeping lah.. I don't carry heavy stuff. TSK! Bla bla bla.

Yep.. I was in a full blown bitchy mode. I was gonna help but I just had to let go steam a while. The irascible me had to let the whole world know that she sacrificed 10 minutes of her slumber to help an old lady. *mutter bitch to self*

And so I went under the pressure of my 'care-for -thy-neighbour' mom. The house was fairly spacious. A Mother Mary portrait hung at the entrance. Both Mr Lee and I heaved Mrs. Lee up from the old rattan chair. As she leaned precariously over my body, I had a whiff of her body. Not smelly. Just old. Kinda like moth balls.

Recently, Mr. Lee passed away.

We all felt sorry for Mrs. Lee. She bemoans her loneliness to my mom. Of course my mom doesn't mind lending an ear. Meanwhile, us kids scurry around the kitchen as per norm not paying much attention to the lonely face at the grille.

This morning, while fixing my usual cuppa, I heard a "Miss De Cruz.."*

I looked up and as expected, I saw Mrs. Lee's face. At the tip of my tongue was, "Oh, looking for my mom? Wait arr.. Let me call her." I reckoned that there is no reason for her to talk to me, you see.

And then I heard, "Good morning to you.."

Just that. A simple "Good morning to you.." And a smile. I think I stood and blinked a few times. And I replied, "Oh good morning." I hope my smile was ok.

Strange, isn't it? 25 years separated just by a wall and yet the "good morning" came only today. Shame on me for not being the one who initiated the greeting too.

I should really make a conscious effort to look up more and smile at Mrs. Lee whom I think needs a lil bit more TLC now.

*not my real name. Duh..

Best Drama Series

As the designated driver of the family, I drove my mom to my aunt's place for an evening soiree yesterday, where another aunt was awaiting.

They are not blood sisters, these three ladies.. but gee..what is the term called? These aunts are my father's brothers' wives. Ah...so they are my Mom's sisters in law. Correct?

Despite the norm of having disputes amongst other SILs, these three somehow maintain their dignity and are able to like each other.

Everytime they gather, mirth laughter is sure to be heard. And tales of the olden days are sure to be retold.

You see..

Once upon a time, all three families (plus another villain aunt) stayed under one roof under the watchful eyes of the matriarchal Empress Dowager (my grandma). The things that happened in the bungalow can easily be scripted for a TVB series. We have the villains, the useless, the poor but kind hearted characters - a winning formula for a drama series.

While listening to their reminiscing of the past, I thought the cast of actors and actresses for the next Series of the Year.

Grandmother - Lee Hiong Kum as Empress Dowager

Grandfather - Cheh Yin as Emperor (who smokes candu and gets his money conned all the time)

My mother - Chermaine Seah as the poor Daugher In Law who scrubs toilets

My aunts - Tavia Yeung & Ada Choy as Chermaine's chums

My aunt - Kate Tsui as THE VILLAIN

So imagine this..

Kate Tsui being the last prince's wife was the most favoured daughter in law. Right before the demise of the evil empress, pure solid gold necklaces, rings, bracelets were passed on to her.

Meanwhile my mother (played by Chermaine) and the other two DILs were only given 3 inches each, which was chopped off from a long golden belt which belonged to the Emperor.

And Kate Tsui, menacingly said, "Gee, I wonder why "tai-hau' let me....ME...and not you, ladies have all these jewelleries. Buahaha."

*Kate Tsui laughs a sinister laugh. Her hands on her belly, her shoulders shaking while her monstrous red eyes glisten * (she will definately bag the Best Actress award)

Meanwhile, Chermaine could only cry abit and think how foolish of her to have massaged the empress's feet for years and gained nothing but a stupid 3 inches gold chain.

*Chermaine holds a silk hanky and dabs her teary eyes - a precarious posture*

C'mon..don't you think the script is destined for for a Best Drama Series?

I have never liked my aunt - the villain much. Hearing these stories from my mom and aunts yesterday really made me wanna revenge for my mom.........

This is the part you come in, Sinkar.

She has 4 daughters.

The way to make her suffer now is to have you as a Son in law.

What say you? Golden (not McDonald) nuggets await you....

Extra lessons

Ok, so the school is offering art classes. Rm50 a month - the cheapest of all. Golf is Rm200. And according to the lord of acronyms, golf stands for Golongan Orang Lemah Fizikal. Hence we are boycotting the sport and supporting a more refined activity.

So I said, "Hey, art classes on Friday. You wanna join?"

"No. I can draw," came the yi-wai-hou-sing reply.

I rolled my eyes a bit. And sighed a bit. I mean..look, son. I love you and all. But you aren't exactly Picasso material. Your Stegosaurus looks like a thorny pineapple. And your prawn is a letter C. Yeah.. I know.. I see the resemblance. The curve-shelled body is like a letter C. Yes..of course I know Stegosaurus has spikes kinda like a pineapple. But..but..*whisper* your art is crap. Crappier than him.

What? You still think you can draw? And you don't need help? And you don't care how other people interpret your 'masterpieces'?

Yes.. I know... famous artists' works are often misunderstood.

Ok, I am sorry for suggesting the ridiculous idea of 'learning' art. And for doubting your talent.

Ehem.

How about ballet? You know.. so you can get to know more girls? What dya mean you already know how to dance?........

My son is Mr. Gooly-knows-it-all. *sigh*

Misunderstood n understand

We bought a new set of bored games. 50 in a box kinda bored games. With small pieces for us to lose.

Yesterday, in the car, Gooly was slightly upset that he had forgotten to keep the new box away from his little cousin who is a reknown toy demolisher.

Naturally, I launched into the usual tirade of remarks about taking care of your own stuff and not leaving them around. I even threw in a "If you are so afraid that he will destroy your toys, you should keep them somewhere safe,' which sent his eyes teary. And he remained silent.

When we got home, he hurried into his room to check for possible damages inflicted by the little boy who destroys, I assumed. Seeing that everything was the way he left them, he was evidently relieved.

"I'm so glad he didnt swallow anything!" he said.

Oooh! So he was worried about choking hazards, and not because he was being a paranoia who didn't want to share.

This is not the first time I have misunderstood him. I should really give him the benefits of doubt.

On a lagi heavier note, he cried so pitifully at the airport yesterday.

"I will miss you , papah.." he wailed while holding on to his collar. There was actually a patch of wet tears on papah's shirt.

For someone who cries over Yasmin's advertisements, I, of course cried along with him.

"Don't cry, sayang," was all I could mutter. He looked at me and realised that my cheeks were stained too. He wiped away my tears and asked in a pained voice,"What's wrong, mom?"

What's wrong? I suppose my heart broke.

The other day, he asked me, "Why you look so sad, Mom?"Oh.. gee. I thought I was a good actress. But he knows me better than anyone else, eh? Sharing the same food and blood for 9 months must have somehow bonded us in amazing ways.

The past days have been interlaced with happy reunions and sad partings. *sigh*

Thaigirl year kambing

Smile..cicak cicak!

Gooly in 2D

Mongsta berbulu lebat


Every day he looks at the calendar, counting the days to CNY. At first I wasn't sure if he was getting overtly excited about the angpows, his long awaited Bumblebee Transformer or the chance to meet his papah.

But last two weeks, my friend asked, "Do you like CNY?" He said, " I SURE DO!" with such strong affirmation. Just the day before, he had complained that the DONG DONG CHIANG songs were giving him a headache. So naturally I was slightly amused with his sudden positiveness.

"I can see papah during CNY," he explained.

Owh.. I see.

As for me, traveling up north has always been anathema. But lets not let my sien-ness hinders the young one from having fun, just like we used to.

Oh, those lovely white lacy socks. It's the only thing I looked forward to having during CNY when I was his age.

Hami Jainis Niu Ear to you alls. Let's sing! Mei tian tar jia siao siao.... (Everybody crazy everyday?)

Silly me

I can really make Gooly laugh and cry .

In future, when the inevitable challenge of "my dad is bigger than yours" happens in school, he'd probably shock them all with, "My mom is funnier that yours. Way way funnier."

I make him laugh. Like seriously. And annoyingly. Everyday.

***

"Mom, what if we get hungry at the park?"

"Then we should sommersault and roll around the grass."

"BUT MOM! That's silly."

Ah..then you hear his hyena, saliva spitting laugh.

***

"Mom, if you take away the "A" from AWAS, it spells WAS. And if you take away the "s"..

"Whose ass?"

"MOM!" *starts giggling*

"How dare you say ass?"

" *eyes sprouting tears* MOM!" The LETTER S...MOM. Not backside."

"Ohh..silly me."

"Yes, silly you, mom!"

***

Oh, how long can I be silly for you, Gooly? Hmm..

My defense

Me thinks..me is equipped with a state-of-the-art protection mechanism.

No..no..no..not that kind that bounces off germie wormies.

Here, lemme show you.

See this invincible invisible wall between you and me? It separates me and the entire human population.

See this middle finger?It's perpetually pointing upwards.

See my cutesy mouth carved with the word WATEVA?

See these boots? They are made for walking away.

And my heart? Hoooo...my heart. Clang! Clang! Made of solid metal. Awesome bionic mechanism. Hard and cold.

So..baibai, iduncare, watever, C.U, adious, saranora!

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Sigh! If only these are true.