Yesterday was the 3rd night we slept separately. It was a smooth transition. So smooth that I wanted some crunchy nuts thrown inside to create some bumps, just so I will feel that my little boy still needs his mahmeee for his slumber.
Actually, the first night was liberating.. total freedom! I watched episodes of Friends till late at night instead of the usual stay-in sessions. The next night, it was can't-be-watching-Friends-again night. So I sneaked in every couple hours, on the pretext of 'checking-on-him', but sigh.. I have missed him! Already! What will happen when he goes camping then off to college and runs away with his bride?
Sigh! I suppose the hardest part in parenthood is learning to let go. I have watched him walk/run away, cycle alone and now sleep solo. They were all excited moments with a tinge of sadness. While the shoulders feel lighter with less responsibility, the heart becomes heavier with his independence.
Yesterday, while he was far away in dreamland, I have secretly planted kisses on him and smelling him, knowing one day I will not have the license to do so in public. Why.. I am already doing the illegal schmaltzy stuff sneakily.
I am the 'slack' mahmee, not very particular about his milestones. Excited, yes but never pushy. So Lady Luck has been with us throughout because he jumped over many hurdles with ease. He gave up his pacifier and bottles easily, and was diaper-free with very few accidents.
I usually ask the more experienced mums what to do next and launch new 'projects' with a little apprehension and lotsa excitement. Sometimes, subconsciously, I find myself asking, "Do we have to do that? Let's slow down, huh?" On more difficult days, I feel like rewinding the days when he was babbling instead of speaking in full sentences or giving orders.
Then again I remember the sleepless nights and diaper bags and I quickly fast forward to present, when my boy is independent, clever and brave. So grow, boy, grow. You may go but just remember to look back at mahmee who will always be there cheering you on. When you think nobody is looking, you may run back to plant some kisses and hugs. She would love that..
1 comment:
yes, the hardest part is learning to let go. i also checked on my boy every so often when he was moved to his own room. now i sleept through the night when there is no interruption from him. we have open door policy here, so when i heard even a slight ringing from his anklet bells, i will climb out the bed and run over to check on him. LOL!
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