Pening..

While galivanting with iloveedamame the other day, Gooly went out with the others and was reprimanded for being selfish. Woah.. a tad too heavy 'title' for a tired and cranky boy who missed his mahmee and wanted things slightly his way.

Nonetheless I thought it was a good chance to impart some moral values, particularly on being selfish and non. It would be a projek besar besaran in which I divided the lessons into several parts. Cheh..like real. Actually it was more like telling bed time stories for days about 'the boy who was selfish..."

Do you realise there are so many aspects of 'selfish' to cover? Generosity, charity, sharing, thinking of others first (but don't be a sucker), etc.

And so I began..

Once upon a time, there was a boy who sell fish.. (screwed up his mind a bit. Played around with homonyms and also closed one eye about the grammar mistake).
*This he laughed..

And there was a boy who had money but instead of buying Transformers for himself, he bought some medicine for his ahmah who was sick.
*This he thought acceptable...

And then there was another time about a boy who donated his money for the poor.
*This he thought do-able.

And another time there was a flood...
*This he asked to buy a diver suit, so he could dive in, and pass the money to the victims.

What the rooty toot toot? He was enacting a scene from "Little Mermaid" ka? Aiyoyoyo..

It's so difficult to explain about 'how things work' in the real world, kan? No doubt the donation box is less exciting. And diving into the water with a gunny sack of cash seems so much more heroic, eh?

While my brain cells were about to 'divide and combust' thinking about BEING UNSELFISH, he has to complicate things by asking the practical parts, i.e how come can get flooded? So we swayed from moral lessons to science, an area which I am not very good at.

Last time when I was in school, I had no qualms about 'the moral of the story'.. We all applauded when Ah Seng (not you, Sinkar, okeh?) rescued the cat from the tree. We didn't wonder how on earth the cat got stuck there, did we? Or if the cat wanted to be rescued, maybe he just liked being up there.

I need to go lay down awhile.. My head is throbbing... Susah leh...

Mana..where?

My ah bu likes to keep the house void.

Empty.

Vacant.

Unfilled.

Weirdly, she is a hoarder too. Nothing gets thrown out.

She stashes stuff into store rooms, boxes, under the beds, high up in the cupboards, at the backyard, under the tanks, etc. You asked if she has seen what or what, she will say, "Probably yes, but dunno where.." Sei moe?

Meanwhile, the kids like leaving new loots on the table, on the chair, on the floor etc. In other words, everywhere visible and reachable.

Miraculously, the newly bought items will go missing the very next day. The only person who keeps and hence, knows but forgets will be her.

"Where is my shampoo, ah bu?"

"Aiyah..somewhere in the house la. Can find one la.. I never throw anything one.."

TSK!

After some huffing and puffing and more tsk-ing, I found my Pantene-Results-in-14 days bottle in the dining room, in the cabinet, under the microwave oven, behind the toaster, in a shoe box...

Doh! Washing hair can be so difficult.. if you stay with ah bu

Kungfu Hustle

Do you know..

..that my father was a kungfu master?

Don't pray pray.

We used to stay in a bungalow with a big compund. But I think if revisited, it wouldn't seem so big. There was a sign, with some chinese words and a tiger leaping forward hung on the wall. I reckon it said something like "SHAOLIN SCHOOL OF ARTS".

Haha.. achah je. I must remember to ask my master shifu later the name of the illegal set-up.

Anyways, I remember once a week, fellow comrades will gather at the compound to learn kung fu. Hiak! Huak! Hick! Very macho, indeed. Being the youngest, I was always prompted to learn along. And so cutie-pie me with sweaty head will 'chak ma' (the horse stance) and huak hiak hick together. Like real..

After sweating it out, the hustlers usually lepak a while and being responsible to the society, the shifu always delivered speeches about learning kungfu as a form of self-defence, and not to pick fights. When attacked, RUN and lapor polis. Hee hee..what crap.

When Micheal Hui's comedy became more popular compared to Bruce Lee's brutal ones, the student intake for our club also plunged. Soon the establishment was dissolved.

But I will fondly remember the way the uncle bus hollered, "KUNGFU KIDS" just before reaching our house, and the four of us will trot forward.

I will also remember how my shifu taught me THE FORK move. It's quite hard but I mastered it. When attacked, use the index and middle fingers to form a fork and poke the bugger's eyes.

Do you think there is a highly sacred scroll hidden in the house some where? Cos frankly, I don't think THE FORK is very canggih..

*fades in EVERBODY LOVES KUNGFU FIGHTING..*

Chicken and Duck talk

"Hui kong mat yeh?" (What did he say?), my ah bu asks all the time. I will translate the best I can. Laughter is guaranteed to ensue. She finds whatever Gooly says to be funny, amusing, amazing and charming.

If she were instructed to do the alphabet, she'd probably do it like this:

ABcDefGHiJ.... and so on. You get the drift. English is clearly not my ah bu's forte.

Meanwhile, Gooly communicates mainly in English. The only non-E words he knows are, "jiak, kai kai, koon, sai".

So there, we have a pair of chicken and duck in da house. And still, they would talk. Everyday, there will be some anecdotes pertaining to farts. And the two 'fowls' would laugh themselves silly.

Using her limited vocabulary, she is nonetheless able to get Gooly to do things that I hate to repeat myself i.e taking his afternoon naps and finishing his meal. She triumphantly announces her success:

"I pujuk him to finish one bowl of rice."

"I conned him into sleeping."

Oh well, her usual technique involves something cold in a shape of a cone. "Ahmah says I can have an ice cream later." he quips. My nostrils flare, but deep down, I am silently pleased that Gooly is pampered.

Of late, Gooly wishes to sleep with her in the afternoon. "I want ahmah.".

When I scold, he also wants ahmah.

He requests 2 cups of water, one for him, one for ahmah.

He says 'lah, mah,aiyah' so ahmah can understand him better.

An imbecile once said, "I will be sad if my baby sayang her grans more than me, the mummy." I have also heard mummies getting offended, jealous, heart-broken when the child prefers the other generation.

Me? Well, I'm glad I brought ducky Gooly home to love and be loved by his cheeky chicken ahmah.

My Ah bu

She hasn't been well. Due to some diabetes complications she was admitted to the hospital right before Gungxi Gungxi. Her legs were swollen, her back ached, her body weak, her spirit dampened. Not a good way to start the "Menglembu Year".

She was discharged a few days prior to the first day of CNY, and has been recuperating at home since. A year back, it would have been impossible to see her being idle. I reckon she would have:

a. cooked a storm for 19 of us for the reunion dinner, which could be eaten again the next day and next and then there would still be leftovers for Quahli, the dog

b. decorated the house with some shoddy angpows

c. bought pussy willows

d. dug away Quahli's dungs which are terrorising the garden

e. pulled some weeds which grow the very next minute

f. cooked some dunno-wat, froze them and packed them into a big Carrefour plastic bag and asked me to pass to my in laws, despite my reluctant grunts

Oh well.. she didnt do any of the above mentioned this year.

Simtia..sakit hati.. sumtung.

These days, when I drive her to the pasar malam, she stays in the car while I hop down to grab what she needs. When we go out to eat, I'd drop her off right in front of the kopitiam. And very often, I'd have to do a detour to pick her up again. She can't walk that much anymore.

Simtia.. sakit hati..sumtung.

Sometimes when she is seated, she can't get up on her own. She would summon Gooly to help. And Gooly would wrap his hands around her waist. I don't think this frontal Helmich Manoeuvre helps, but she likes the attention rendered. :)

She is only 60 this year. Married at 17, she had her first baby at 18. By 26, she delivered her last baby, yours truly and tied up her fallopian tube.

During my childhood days, she has never shown any temper, except for this one time that my eldest brother pissed her off so much that she lifted her right Bata slipper and attempted to fling it at him. She was almost never mad at me. Err.. except for that time when I took a picture of her without makeup even after numerous warnings of 'you better not'. No digital that time.. so when the picture was developed, I could see her fuming mad. Sorry-loh.

I am actually a photocopy image of her. Our eyes especially. And when we smile, our lips are usually lopsided.

She tells ridiculous stories cos she digresses. Yesterday, she told us how our cousin got dengue fever. She started by asking, "Do you know how she got it?" We said uh-uh, donchno. So she *ahem ahem* cleared her throat and started theorizing:

Ai ai is a good girl. This year, her mother's biz isn't so good. Give angpow also not enough. So ..bla bla bla...

It was a good five minutes before we got to know how Ai Ai got stung by nyamuk aedes.

She also has a habit of telling you something, assuming that you already know:

Neh, who who went to SS there and said the what taste nice woh...

What talking you, ah bu?

Her BM is lagi killer:

You tunggu sikit jam. Itu roti changhai (roti canai) saya beli.

Isn't she cute?

Haiz...The youngest already in her 30s, she would still worry about this and that. Yeah.. I know mothers never stop worrying. But...haiz...Sometimes I get irritated with her. Usually about how she cares for others first and ignores her own plights. Deep down, it's admiration that I feel for her. But still, I'd ngam her. And yet, I know I want to be like her when I grow up.

Once, someone said I idolise my mom. Oh well, if you had a mom like her, you would too. :)

She's the most unselfish person I have ever met. But for now, I wish she would be selfish, and learn how to take care of herself, above all things and people.

Theirs and ours

After an unpallatable course of chocolate ice kacang topped with thinly sliced strawberries, I confessed to Gooly that I didn't like it that much. It was all too nouveau.

Me: It's too weird. Chocolate ice kacang..
Gooly: I like it.. but the ice melted.
Me: Yeah..
Gooly: Why does ice melt?
Me: Yeah...
Gooly: How come ice melt?
Me: Yeah.. *starts recollecting all chemistry, physics and biology lessons while trying to remain composed and calm*
Gooly: Mama, do you know?
Me: *inhales* Yeah.... I don't know. *exhales*

Prof. Sinkar and other equally sinkalan learned, educated friends, perchance you have paid more attention at school? Kindly help...

While Gooly's mind wonders about molecules (or was it atoms) and other 'worthy' matters, I was tangled in an equally frustrating cerebral issue. At 9892+230-8273x2 = y (I am hoping you will give up guessing my chinese horoscope and 'insignificant' age number), a few friends of the same era have seem to lost erm..their mind. One has to tap in the parking number into her handphone so that she can find her pootpoot car later. Sometimes she takes pictures of the parking bay pillars. Another has become slow in catching my jokes. I talk.. and then there is silence.. and suddenly came the half-expected uncontrollable and spasmodic laughter. It's almost a ten-second delay in response, I kid you not..

If I were an animator, I'd probably illustrate Gooly's and other kiddo's brains fizzing and fuzzing actively with sparks spewing; busy thinking and wondering. Ours will be smoky...a little mouldy. With a stamp "ALMOST OBSOLETE".. I kid you not..

Arrghhhhhhhhhh! Kaumeng ah.....

How can think until like that?

Gooly loves eating half-boiled eggs. Usually with a cup of Milo, sikit ais. It is a very quick and easy fix, especially when there is only spicy food available.

"When you are a girl, you eat half-girl egg, " he announced the other day while gulping down his high calorie laden breakie.

Oh shite... who has been telling him about aquas, pengkins or bapoks? Surprisingly, it was Papah who got what he meant this time. Usually I am the one deciphering the codes.

Half boiled egg.. half boy egg.. geddit? :D He reckons that he has been eating half-boy eggs all this while. A tad too silly, ain't it? But he made his ahma laughed so hard, at the kopitiam, in the car.. all the way back to the house.

***

Scene: Gooly pestering me to blow up his balloons. He must think I have a lot of breath.

Me: I am not blowing anymore. I am out of breath.

Him: I can do it. I am IN of breath.

He does that all the time!! Making up new phrases just by opposing the original meaning! Kek kwai hei..