Today in his-story

One day I woke up feeling lethargic. “Hmmph! I must get some exercise.. I am getting lazy,” I self-diagnosed my sluggishness and self-prescribed a gung-ho treatment. I dragged my feet off the bed and asked Sharkira if she was feeling fat. She said no but didn’t mind a swim. She came to pick me up and we jumped into her apartment’s pool. As usual she splattered water all around unnecessarily while I soaked, not swim. Ai? This isn’t working.. Where have all my energy gone? I was only 29.

I mustered all my energy to change so I could go back home. And then I slept for a whole 8 hours more. I woke to check the clock. 8pm. Dang, I was still tired. Yawn! The great grizzly must have felt that way prior to hibernation. And hibernate I did for another 12 hours or so.

The next day, I was convinced that I was sick. A fever, perhaps? I went to the clinic and lamented, “I’m sooooo tired…” The doctor ordered for a urine test and I thought, “Yoh.. this is gonna cost more than usual.” A few minutes later, she smiled and said, “Congratulations, you are gonna be a mom!’

“Yoh.. this IS gonna cost more than usual..” And what could I do but cry? Waaah..waah..waah.. I went. So memalukan.

“You have been trying for a baby for long?” she wondered. Eh? Err.. ah… not that I know of. Of course I didn’t tell her that. I nodded and continued sobbing; playing the role of a dutiful wife, whose ultimate dream to mother a child has come true. I could have won an Oscar, really.

And so, son.. I was scared and confused when I found out that you were in my tummy. Will I be a good mahmee? Am I ready? Am I wise enough? There were endless questions. Despite that, I was sure of one thing though; “You will be loved.”

That’s the first thing I said to you, “You will be loved.”

I was nocturnal for many months. Nights came and I would devour all reading materials. During day time I slept upright; the only awkward position I was comfortable with. Sometimes I would lean on papah. He made a very good reclining chair. Or maybe it was the sound of his heart beating that soothed me. So I listened to his while you listened to mine. Months later, the doctor let us listen to yours. Dukdukdukdukduk.. they sounded like horse racing. I remember thinking you have got a good heart. Good in all its semantics. Good, as in strong. Good, as in kind. Good in all sense.

These are what I remember too:

Morning sickness didn’t come.

I didn’t crave for anything.

I couldn’t stand the sight of almonds.

I was insomniac.

You see, the first four months- nothing very unusual. But one day, I started bleeding. I nearly lost you. I didn’t even know if you were a boy or girl. But I told you to be strong. I read that when babies move in the womb, it’s a lot like butterflies fluttering. That night at the hospital, it was the first time I felt you. Keduk ..keduk.. keduk..Nothing violent. That’s how you were even in my tummy. Always gentle. Always tender. Always reassuring me that you listened.

Be strong, I said. And you stayed strong.

On 30th Dec, at 36 weeks, what was supposed to be a routine checkup turned out to be a day full of anxiety. You have showed early signs of arrival. 2 days later, we were ushered into the operation room.

First, came the 3 jabs at the spine. Seconds later, I was feeling euphoric. In other words, I was high on drugs. And then tug, tug, tug. I felt like an old worn washing machine shaking violently during its last cycle. A few more tugs and Dr.Eugene held you up. You were fair..very fair, at the verge of being translucent.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Dr. Eugene asked. How peculiar! He knew and I knew you were made of XY chromosomes. I was tired, groggy. With my poor eyesight, I couldn't really see your 'thang' but I managed a feeble reply, thinking they would correct me if I were wrong. I realized though there were no cries as they quickly carried you to the pediatrician.

1,2,3,4,5 FIVE
1,2,3,4,5 FIVE

They were counting your toes and fingers, I presume. Please let him be ok, please let him be ok, that’s all I could think of. And then..

Wek…wek..wek.. you started crying. Owh.. they sounded melodious. Hearing your cries unleashed mine too. However, this time they were really tears of joy.

That’s how you came to the world on 1st January 2005. While the world sympathized with the tsunami victims, we selfishly celebrated your arrival. We named you after the doctor who saved you albeit opting for a Welsh version which carries the same meaning of “being well-born.”

Today you turn four. You wanted to know what happens at four. Hmm.. I reckon you will be taller, stronger, smarter and other –ers. You went to sleep believing that you will be taller than me when you wake. What’s the hurry, my dear son?

I promised to love you on that tearful and fearful morning, remember? You must always remember; that’s all I ask of you.

Now..a song for you?

*ahem ..clears throat*

First, I was afraid, I was petrified..

(when you are old enough to read this, you should know it’s a very stylish and popular song :P)

Muahahaha. Happy birthday, Gooly.

And to you, hami new ear!