Zzz

Sometimes words cannot express a certain moment.

More so when the moment lasts just a few seconds.

But I need to remember that few seconds, because they are worthy.

I want to remember...

..that she was getting ready to sleep. Eyes were shut, fingers (three) in her mouth. She fussed a little, wanting more milk, I reckoned. But I decided to sing, instead.

ABCD..

..at the note of D, a smile crept in. Eyes still closed, fingers wet in her mouth. And she smiled her watermelon smile, liking my tune, loving my voice.

I couldnt resist but nuzzled her face. Cheek to cheek, I took a strong whiff of her. Her eyes were still not opened. And she let out a chuckle. With her fingers in her mouth.

She is too cute, I tell ya.

She finally decided to open her eyes. And she reached out to me. Stroke my cheeks, gently albeit wet. She murmured. I dont know what she said, but it was tender.

I keep falling in love with her again and again. If i think I loved her 100% today, I will find that I love her more the next day.

Thats a few seconds moment that needs to be recorded, dont you think? Alas, this writing, though doesnt quite reflect the moment exactly the special way it happened, will suffice.

luckiest gals

When mom announced that she was leaving the country for a well deserved holiday, I was, admittedly a bit worried about handling the two kids of my own, on my own.

Meeeh! If I could travel back in time, I'd tell myself, "Hey, Pretty..there is nothing to worry about. Your son is amazing in helping out. The best helper you can have!"

He's like the man of the house - that boy. He fills the tub up when I need to bathe lolly. Saves me lots of bending, reaching out, squatting work-outs. He scoops whatever hair (mine, I am shedding so much!) he sees floating. He talks to her soothingly. Gives high fives when he deems baby has done a marvelous job at "swimming". Makes her chuckles so much that the sound of laughter vibrates through the entire house.

Two days ago, we went to town to meet a friend, and have dinner. At the food court. My other friend (I do have more than a singular friend, just so you know) did let out a slight gasp, thinking that it was a suicidal mission. Ok she didn't say that. Maybe she said I was brave or something. You know, two kids (one handsome but ravenous, the other a time bomb unpredictable crying machine), a heavy Doraemon diaper bag (Doraemon as in magical, not a picture of the fatty round image of himself), a stroller (which topples if I lift baby up without first removing the diaper bag hung at the handle).

So anyways..there we were. Funny that I didn't feel vulnerable. Well, not funny once I figured out it was because I had the greatest helper - Gooly. He is so street smart that he pulled the stopper at the wheels of the stroller (so it won't get dragged away by strangers easily) while
he sat on a nearby table while I carried the tray of food. And he never let baby out of his sight. Well, not that she moves, but his eyes didn't wander off (to ogle at girls). Nope, not even one second.

And when Lolly made a slight sound of displeasure, he offered her the milk bottle, her pacifier, her finger and his own finger. In that particular order, but got stop at his last attempt.

He was so good that I bought him a milk shake. It is at times like this that I think he truly deserves anything in the world (but we settled for just a milkshake that day :p)

He's that perfect, to me.

I have asked if he would prefer a day out without Lolly so that he can do whatever he likes without having to care for that girl, or not have a trip cut short because she's tired or we ran out of milk. He is after all, a child too. He said no. "Never mind-lah. So poor thing if meimei stays at home.."

Lolly, aren't we two the luckiest gals in the world to have such a caring and loving korkor?

" There, there..don't worry meimei. Don't cry. It's ok..." - always reassuring his baby sister when she seems distressed. I *heart* <3

Missing

Two years ago, just like any mother in the world with a motor mouth kid, I had wanted to cut the apron string.

I wanted him to be independent (read: wipe his own ass).

I was scared that he would turn up to be "mummy's boy."

Thus, I snipped snipped snipped the string away. A little by little. First by sending him to school.

I remember sending him to school, wanting so much that he'd just climb down the car on his own, instead of holding his hand, waving good bye a hundred times, and kissing him just as many times. Not that I hated it...it was just that there were times that I'd rather drive, drop, go.

You know what...my wish came true. I now drive, drop, go everyday. Not even a chance to kiss and hug. Heh, try that and the car behind will honk you for stalling the traffic queue for 3 seconds.

Anyways, I didn't care the other day. He had clambered down with his heavy bag. I honked. He turned around. I blew him a kiss.

He frowned a little. Put his hand on his hips, as if annoyed. And a smile crept in.

I wonder if he misses me as much as I do, him.

I miss doing stuff with him. Just the two of us.

But he doesn't wanna watch kungfu panda 2 with me. He doesn't want transformers 3 either. Neither does he want to jalan jalan aimlessly at the mall with me.

Is that what growing up, for a boy means?

Have I lost those kisses on the lips forever?

Where have all the silly banters gone?

I miss you, son. But if that's how boys grow to become men... I'll just have to let you go.

Kiss her for me

Muuuuuacks....

There, lolly. A kiss from papah..all the way from Bangkok.

:) <3 <3 <3

Created with PhotoShake

I now work night shift, producing milk by ounces (wish I could say gallons!) and feeding lil lolly at ungodly hours. When kakak comes in the morning, she takes over. And I hit the sack, just like a hooker would on a tired morning. :p

Gooly had been exceptionally understanding. He lets me snooze, coming in to give me kisses and sometimes from his tone, I can tell he is praying hard that I'd wake to play with him. My boy misses me, I know. But hang in there, happier more wakeful moments await us!

The other day, he came in...I knew he whispered something and I groggily nodded and mumbled something -can't remember what. When I woke, I saw the items on the floor in the above pic.

Then I remembered -"Mom, there is water in case you get thirsty." "Mom, I wrote you some messages on iPhone." "Mom, another pillow for you so you are comfortable."

Sniff! My son rawks better than the confinement lady whom I don't have!

School thus far

I have never liked school..now I hate it even more.

Gooly is all smiles when he wakes. He dons on his uniform happily. He goes into the car willingly. He reaches school still smiling.

Only when he sees the maddening crowd at the hall...all 1,000 plus of them...that his lips quiver a bit.

It's daunting, I assure you. A puny 6 year old in a gargantuan hall with what seems like a thousand refugees.

On the first day, I told him that Lolly was hungry..he asked me to go with a very sad face.

I hated leaving him.

On the second day, it poured like mad with flashes of lightning and 'kabooms' of thunder. I was worried sick. "Is he alright?" My heart pounded.

I hated not being there for him.

On the third day, he said, "I forced myself not to think of you. I didn't want to look for you. I just looked the other side."

I was sad that he was forced to grow up.

He asked me not to bid goodbye - that I should leave steathily and sneakily because it pained him to see me walk away.

Oh, it pains me too, Gooly. A thousand times more.

I wonder if I should have kept him in Kindie..with me for another year.

I miss him. I feel like the bitch school has robbed 6 hours of his daily life with me. *psycho music*

I wonder - what's the hurry... what's the hurry...what's the hurry, man?

Momma would have wanted it that way..

When it comes to organising parties, especially kiddos' parties.. I admit, I SUCK!

I seriously don't know what to do with them. For Gooly's party, I was thinking of throwing them a few balls, and let them run amok, naked - at the garden. No fancy wamby magicians, clowns or ballonists.

I bought a packet of balloons and hung them on the pillar, looking pathetic and miserable that it it wasn't January, people would think it was a Halloween party.

When if comes to food.. I was quite a champion..at ORDERING them...Oooh.. I had a list of food that I wanted - cendol, nasi lemak pyramid, curry chicken KAYU...But alas, ahbu banned them all.

Because, according to her..they are too expensive.. they won't taste nice..and "I can cook them too wut.."

So for weeks, I had massive arguments with her. But then, I realised, she only wanted to cook because she wanted us to spend less money..and cos, really, she loves us all.

Bless my ahbu!

On that day, we invited few close pals. Friends who have known us for years, realised that there was this stranger.

"Who is that?" they asked.

Mind you, not because he was handsome. *Chuckle*

He was in fact, making my guests feeling uncomfortable. He was poorly dressed, and looked like he hasn't had a shower for days. He stared at people. And he ate a lot. *grins*

He is Mrs. Lee's son.

My mom invited them over to makan, and highlighted to Mrs. Lee to bring along his son. She thought he shouldn't be treated differently, just because he is different.

Now, isn't that something? With this episode, I know I will strive to be like her, to be a good person - kind and sweet. And when she is gone, I will continue having this trait of hers, doing what is right and proclaiming - "My momma would have wanted it that way.."

Thank you, Ahbu for teaching me still at 35.

Gnite!

It was probably 10plus.
We read some books.
He was tucked in bed, the upper bunk.
We said our nightly oath of love, and I turned on the laptop for some other chats.
He said, "Wait!" and he clambered down.
That's a lot of work, to be climbing up and down, especially when one is already in cute snuggly jammies.
"Are you trying to delay bedtime?" I queried with my eyes.
Not quite, I realised.
He fluffed up a pillow and placed it behind me.
Ahh.. it sure was comfortable.
But he said, "Wait!" again.
"What now, mister-i-am-not-sleepy?"
He replaced the pillow with his, one that is not smelly but soft.
"Oh no, that's yours. It's more comfortable. You sleep with it."
"No, Mom.. You take it. It's full of my love."
And he gave me a peck on the cheek.
Climbed up again.
Said "Good Night" one more time.
"I love you"another.
Lastly, "Good night baby.."

It was, I must say, a great way to end the day.

D.i.e

The other day, I had a missed call from a friend. As usual, it's very habitual of me not to answer any callers on their first call - something I really have to resolute to change.

Anyways, it turns out that my friend hurt her back.. it was so painful she thought she was dying (kwacheong-ly speaking) and decided to call me to tell me that, should anything happen to her, I am on her list to inherit her Chanel 2.55.

She was joking, of course.

But it's kinda sweet that she thinks of me when in pain, and could actually plant a joke which only bagwhores like us understand.

Life is short. We should really laugh a little louder - find friends who can make us laugh.

And cry.

Later on, I received an sms which told me that another blogger whom I admired for her courage and positive outlook on life had passed on.

She once blogged she had cried for a stranger who succumbed to cancer though she didn't know his name.

And now, I bet hundreds of blogger stranger friends are crying for her.

I always believed when you have touched and made a difference in ONE, single person's life, it means you have led a fruitful life.

And Lisa has touched so so many, including mine.

To Lisa, a true Beauty of the World.




"Death may be the greatest of all human blessings." - Socrates.

Rest well, dear Lisa.

GEMS!

Truth be told, I was not very happy last week.

Oh yeah..Gooly mama was depressed.


And usually when that happens, I would push the 'recluse' button and go hibernate in a cave.


And as though struck by M. Night Syamalan's no. 6th symphony (cos 6th sense freaks me out), sms-es, emails, messages started pouring in. Normally they are not so keen to 'layan' me.


"Worried sick about you.."


"Is something amiss?"


"Something is wrong..?"



I don't know how they know...but they knew! I'm just so glad (if not, freaked out) with their telepathic skills cos knowing that people care makes everything easier.


I hope, really hope I am equipped with such a skill too.

You know, knowing and being there for you peeps, even when you don't say it out loud.

So here's to you guys..




I wuv you guys.. for loving every inch and ounce of me, taking care of my mind and soul, and just being there. *tears*

(I curi-ed this song from somebody who sang this to me .. How often do you get serenaded huh? Once in a lifetime pun sudah cukup to feel worthy....:) )

Gooly - The water provider

Since we got the bunk bed, we'd put a bottle of water next to Gooly's pillow, just in case...

And every morning, he wakes and gulps some water and I hear, "MOM!" and his little hand dangling from the top with his bottle. "Drink some!"

I don't know why the insistence on this rather annoying habit. I mean I can haul my ass up to the kitchen and get myself a glass of water anytime I want , right? Why does he wake me up to pass me something which I may/may not want at 7.34am? I was getting just a little ..very little annoyed.. Until...

Mamapumpkin told me "Drink lots of water to help with the morning sickness.." (a very sound advice!)

Owh.....You see how Gooly is always there doing little stuff at the right time to help me? Good Lordy for him!

It's funny how Gooly is always so 'co-incidental' - doing or saying stuff intentionally, unintentionally, at the right time at the right place, making me a very blessed mom.

Gooly & nainai

I have said it a few times and I am gonna say it again:

Gooly is such a chatter-box!

I am really glad that I brought Gooly home to love and be loved by his Nai-nai.

Everyone knows I am irascible in the morning. Heck, even the boy who has lived, thus far about 2000 days, knows I am a morning monster (I mean Gooly-lah.)

We are so lucky that Nai-nai is available, all bright and cheery in the a.m. She makes brekkie, albeit nothing too complicating. The milo keeps his tummy warm, and peanut butter sandwiches with crackers in between make the 5 yr old kick start the morning with a smile. (I will never never let him put a cracker in between the sandwich. What the heckaroo? Sandcrackwich?)

Sometimes when I am at work, I worry that he gets palpably upset (usually with regards to losing a fight with his cousin) and I am not there to console him.

Ok, I am lying.

Usually he gets really upset when I scold him. And I am so glad that nai nai is his pillow of comfort. I am not kidding when I said PILLOW..cos you should really see the way he hugs and sobs into her bosoms. It's so heart-wrenching it's like you are watching a rerun of Oshin.

And then there are times that she splurges on him. A buck for the piggy bank, a robot (because it's the holidays), a VCD (because he is so good today), an ice cream (because it's so hot). There is a reason for every purchase. Do note that Nainai hardly buys anything for herself.

And there are the mini projects they do together like planting onions and potatoes. But from what I see, it might as well be called burying the food. I doubt they will grow, really. But the fun and excitement... gosh! Beats playing Farmville!

And then there is the same language factor - Mandarin. Oh the silly banters in that language. Now nainai can be funny because he understands her now.

And today, I left them in the car for a mere 2 minutes, and the ruckus they created! Nai nai was in tears - a real laugh aftermath! They were still laughing while relating a fart joke, which I didn't particularly think was that funny. You know, same old prroot proot proot joke. Oh well, maybe only suitable for 5 and 51 (+10)[thanks boey joey for pointing this honest mistake :D] year olds.

Nai nai always tells anyone who listens, "He is a good boy." I don't know how she says that with a straight face, cos frankly, he does give her a bit of a problem (like repeating something for a million times in a day.) Another old lady would have probably hung him on the cactus already. But of course, she meant it with her heart when she said that. And I am secretly proud and pleased to hear it.

There was one night that Nai nai went our for a wedding banquet. By 9pm, Gooly was already missing her. "I want nainai home. Where did nainai go?" When we did pick her up, he was so glad to see her that he ran up to give her a hug, and fell asleep on her lap on the way home.

Yesterday, I watched the Baby-Gooly video. I had tears in my eyes when I saw the part Nainai sang to him.

Are you sleepy, are you

sleepy

Bada Jon, Bada Jon

Lalala lalala

Ding dong bell ding dong bell

Ha.. you see how she sang mixing up the words? But the love in her eyes and voice - gosh! She had loved him since day 1.

***

I'm glad we came back for Gooly to get to know his grandparents. It will be a lifetime regret if one lives, not knowing and loving them.

I do not have a recent pic of them both and my cameras are konk-ed. But what the heck, I am a photocopy of my mom. You see me, you see her. And you can see her behind too, doting on my darling niece.

Water

I was down with a serious bouts of achoo the other night and decided against the norm of bedtime stories with Gooly.

Albeit visibly disappointed, he understood the implication of being sick.

He sneaked out a little while later but I was too tired to ask why.

Only the next morning that I was told that he had actually gone upstairs, knocked on my mom's door and requested for a cup of water - a very tedious task, I must say. (He is afraid of the dark and the kitchen is pitch black.)

Based on my bad record, my mom asked if I had scolded him (again) making him afraid to ask me for a cup of water in the middle of the night. Yeah, I do scold him all the time, but I surely didn't the night before because I was too drugged, tired, sneezy, whatever. So I am pretty sure I didn't say, "Water? Drink what water? Go to sleep" or anything equally evil which I am capable of.

..Gah? Did I just reveal the evil side of me?

Nevermind..

I asked Gooly about the water incident, wondering why he had gone to Nainai.

"You were sick. I know you need more rest."

Awwww... Is that boy the most considerate or what? *melt into a puddle of mucus and phlegm*

Also, I must say that every time he takes a cup of water for himself (during broad daylight), he fetches another for me, without me asking for it.

Sweet.

It's high time that I am treated like the Regal Queen.

Ponteng

Gooly woke up with some sniffles. So I suggested that he stayed home to rest. He was overjoyed, and started turning on the Tellie and pouring out his toys while announcing to nai-nai that he is sick, yehooo.. so there is no need to go to school.

Seeing his energetic disposition made me re-evaluate my decision so I quickly added, "But if you feel alright, you can go, ok?"

*cough cough* He immediately feigned a sore throat with a dramatic *ahem ahem* throat full of pleghm sound. My mom and I exchanged smiles, knowing that all kids would love a chance to ponteng school.

I checked on him a few times making sure he had no fever. By noon, his mucus were all discharged, and he looked like he was in pink health to fulfill his duty as a student.

"Do you wanna go?" I asked. I was all prepared for him to say no. Even my mom wanted to bet her last dollar that he would say "Choy nei dou sor! Stay at home watch Ultraman better". But lo and behold, he said, "Sure.."

Argh! I haven't ironed his uniform.. and have not eaten lunch yet. And he was still smelling like swamp (oooh..this I learned from him).

Faitit faitit...! Thank gawd he did everything in a jiffy - taking a super duper quick shower and gulping down his lunch while I ironed . (I had a suspicion that he had a date in school, that's why the gung-ho-ness.)

We reached school 5 minutes later than usual. At the traffic light, he donned on his shoes and grabbed his bag, all set to bounce out of the car to run into his class. :)

I saw him entering the school yard and gave him a flying smooch. He smiled and made a swishy motion of "Go.. go.. I'm ok" with his hands.

I have never seen such a grown up 5 year old. If yesterday I was proud, today I am prouder, if it's possible.

touching

I was browsing youtube and chanced upon this song. I <3 it very very much. Truth be told, I teared when I heard it. Yeah, I am a big sucker for sappy songs and movies....

I turned it on for Gooly. At the beginning he said, "I like it... "

..then his tear drops fell. With tears staining his cheeks, he said, "This song is sad.."

"Oh it's not.. I think you are touched," I explained.

It's a happy song..because the singer found somebody to love. I hugged him and I sang the words to him. He smiled thru his teary eyes and hugged me tightly too.

Now he is asleep. And I am still listening to the song. And I am thinking..

"If you knew how happy you are making me,
I never thought I'd love anyone so much.."

I am touched that he gets touched by a song.

Gooly the nurse

*koff koff*

I can't read tonight, Gooly. Mom's throat is itchy.

"Say ahhhh .Open wider..." and he peeps into my throat.

And the chubby little hand lands on my forehead, feeling my temperature.

"No fever!" he declares.

He fluffs the pillow.

He covers me with the blanket.

He brings a glass of water, and pops a tablet into my mouth.

"Hope you feel better soon, mom," he quips. And he plants a kiss or two on my forehead.

Gooly is such a Nightingale..

And the other day.. I was having a coughing fit in the car. He automatically adjusted the air-cond to face away from me.

There is this song he learns in school which is in Mandarin. The gist of the song is as below:

When I am happy, you kiss me
When I am scared, you hug me
Papa Mama
Thank you for your love.

It always sets me in a warmy toasty mood when he sings that.

But truthfully,I should thank you, Gooly for loving me just as much.

Lucky? I don't think so. Blessed? You bet! ;-)

Do I get sued being mothered by my own child? *chuckle*

Hmm..

In a sombre mood he sang, "What should I do without you~~~"

Lovely

I brush Gooly's teeth.

...while doing a whole lot of other things, usually with some paste and foam and my own toothbrush hanging at the corner of my mouth.

Sometimes I remove my contact lense first. Thus, I squint when I squeeze the paste and I squint when I brush his teeth.

So yesterday I was bending down to Mr. Four Feet with blurry vision. Three seconds into the routine, with paste and foam in his mouth, he suddenly excused himself.

"COME BACK! YOU ARE NOT DONE YET!"

"Wait, mom. I need to get something."

Tsk! What is so important?

I turned around, faced the mirror (not that I can see anything) and brushed my own teeth (remember my tooth brush was already parked inside my mouth?)

Then he tugged at my sleeve. I bent down again and squinted again for I couldn't see him. I managed a "hrummp?" which means "What?" with a mouthful of foam.

And he shoved my spectacles into the rightful place.

Ah.. he knew I couldn't see. I didn't know he noticed things like that. Or rather sometimes people notice but is not bothered to help (like papah). I do spend a lot of time looking for lost glasses and nobody offers help.

But Gooly is different.

He helps without being asked.

Me likey.

Lesson learned: Remove contact lense AFTER brushing teeth.

Never knew such l.o.v.e

When it was time to leave, Gooly (again) hung on to papah's neck and cried buckets.

Such a pitiful sight it was indeed. I had to pry him away.

And he asked me, "What can you do to make me feel better?"

Geessh! I wish I have a magik wand and make everything okay for you, Gooly. But all I have is a fat ass. Can I hug you instead? (edited version)

He clambered on me and buried his head on my chest and sobbed quietly. In between sobs, he managed a "I love my papah, you know?" and a "I'm missing him already."

I hugged him for a long long time. He stole glances everytime some people walked passed, hoping that his father has somehow changed his mind about leaving, only to be dissapointed, and started crying all over again.

We tried talking about happy stuff for a bit (like our holiday plans next week) and then decided on an impromptu art project.

I cut a heart out of a sheet of paper. His eye lashes were still wet with tears as he coloured it.

And he muttered,"It's for you, papah. I love you."

Well, papah married a very macho lady (me). I don't think I am tender as such.

I married also a macho man. He is not expressive as such.

What dya know? Our son is such an emo fella.

Thank you son. Never knew such love ..before you.

What a bittersweet feeling.

The baby within

Seated in the car, Papah struck a conversation with the usual, "How's school?"

"Oh very good! How's your business? Good?"

*chuckles*

Talking to our 5 year old is alot like talking to a 50 year old.

And he always ends our telephone-conversation with, "Have a good business! Have a good day working!"

If not for his age-related innocence, I would have thought he was being sarcastic - like what? have a good day working? Nobody works and have a good day, mister....

Anyhoo, despite his ability to mimick adult conversations, there are moments when he reverts to being a baby.

Like when he crawled out of his bed in the middle of last night, and positioned himself like a curled-up prawn, 2mm away from his papah - his comfort and solace.

Ah.. the baby in him does surface.

..when it's night time.

..and especially when Papah is around.