Cerita shex

Gooly is a bookworm. He reads every day, every night, every opportunity. He mainly likes non-fictions, stuff that send me straight to Yawnland. He has many science books, and of late has been particularly interested in Human Body.

So one day he was at the chapter of Reproduction.

Jeng jeng jeng.

I saw the opened book, and my super sonic speed reading skill allowed me to detect key words like sperm, penis, stiff, vagina. I walked away citing the sudden need to do laundry at 10pm as an excuse.

The next day, he asked, "Mom, whats the meaning of stiff?"

*groan*

Stiff? You mean Steve?

Kakakkaka. I was trying to kid myself to loosen up my nerves. Oh btw i was driving, so it was a very very "dangerous" conversation. I was holding the steering wheel so stiffly that my knuckles went white. Thats stiff, son.

"the book says penis gets stiff.."

Uha..*de-accelerate to 30km/h.

"...and it goes in the "vegenta"...

Uha...Vagina, you mean. *parks car at road side*

"ya..thats what i said. The Vagenta. Thats how the sperms go to the tummy."

Ok...

"and do you know how twins are made?"

Hooooo! You can Tell me all about it! *starts engine and accelerate again*

And that was it! Cheh..he already knew everything (except mis-calling miss virginia as ms vagenta which sounds so buttery). And the process of reproduction isnt exactly the point of interest for him. He was more interested in genes, cells, etc - all the nerdy book wormish stuff.

Oh well..not that i am complaining.

God and machine

Gooly: Mom, who made God?

Me: *blink blink*

Gooly : I mean like God made everything but who made Him?

Me: *blink blink* God made himself? God existed before anything else. It's quite a mystery, I must say...

Gooly: But there is (was) no God, right when dinosaurs were alive?

Me: *blink blink* Hmmm... He must have (existed)...

Gooly: Maybe God is a machine...or he has a machine that created Him. *makes some chunking clanking machine sounds*

..and he continued drawing, with the tip of his tongue protruding. Don't think he was expecting an answer from me, really.

The doc cut you out

"Did I come out from your stomach or private part, mom?"

Gah!

Gah!

Gah!

Ok, he was cut open from my stomach, with his hand reaching out first..umbilical cord following suit...like some sort of Alien movie.Hence it wasn't hard to tell him the answer.

But how on earth he knows about some other babies traveling the other route... sightseeeing at the birth canal first and then thru the 'cave hole'?

He said I told him before.

I did? Hmmm...

He must have appeared so nonchalant about it, and accepted the facts with a wise nod...or probably a 'durh - of course from your private part, takkan from your nostrilsn - look, that I have totally forgotten that the discussion ever took place.

Hmm...

Critical Mind

"How was Rapunzel put in the tower when it has no door and no stairs?

"Where did the Egyptians get those wood and blocks to build pyramids when they (were) are at the desert?"

"Why did the billy goats tell the wolf how their mother looks like? That's not very smart."

Critical reading 101.


Going to school won't kill all these brain cells right? I hope..

What day?

Gooly wondered why the days in the week are repeated.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday..he droned on and on.

I'm not sure why he asked that.

And the only logical answer that I could think of was - because we would have to think of new names every day..and that would be quite a headache, wouldn't it?

"Not really.. We can have Funday, Restday..." he said as he looked up the ceiling to catch a ray of inspiration.

"Oh.." I giggled. "If I were a leader of the world, I would have one day called Yennaday!"

And I snorted.

He laughed himself silly too..though he didnt really get the joke. It could be my snort that he was laughing about.

That's why I miss my boy when he is at school. We have such kick-ass conversation all the time.

Kaset tape

My Ferari has this cassette player. You know cassette? The one that goes putar-putar, and you can pull out that roll of 'film' and dance gymnastic with it?

So Gooly found some cassettes and wondered how it works.

Like I know..

So I said, "Just shove it into the player.. and ..and.. and.. the songs come on but don't put it in in this car..cos the player is not working.The speaker also 'piceah' already. Haih. What new car should we buy huh?"

I was saying the last part cos I really hate Ferari cars I had no answer for his questions.

But he knew I was being evasive of course. So he asked some more.

"But how does it work? How come they are songs inside?"

Yeah.. seriously huh..How come ah?

So, I ended saying, "Hey, you wanna dance gymnastics with the 'film'?

The stork delivers the baby!

Long time ago, Gooly wondered where do babies come from. I told him from the shin, of course. Kakakakakkakakaa! Kidding.... But that has gotta be the most ridiculous non-sex tale my friend's mom told her....

...when she was 12! Can you freaking belief it? How do babies fit into a shin? Then again, how does a baby fit into the Virginia Valley, the kids would wonder. So shin vagina shin vagina - *shrug* no diff!

Me being a Science student *ahem* of course told him about the sperm and egg, omitting the frolicking parts and then fast forward to nine months later. He was ok with the answer until recently.....

"How do papah's sperms go into your stomach?"

Jeng jeng jeng.






Jeng jeng jeng.







Jeng jeng jeng.

How-lah? So far my answer has been, "Look over there! A spaceship!"

I don't think this tactic can work till he is 8! Gah!

Me thinks he is a very analytical .. Did I say anal? Yes I did.. ANALytical boy. It makes sense, doesn't it? To wonder about the steps. He is clever to suspect that I have been short-changing him some important information.

So, what did your parents tell you?

a.The stork delivers you?
b. They found you in the dustbin?
c. You ask one more time, I slap you with the slipper?

or the cleverest...

d. Look over there! A spaceship!

Un-invisible

In the car, Gooly wondered if Santa is invisible.

I err-ed, uhm-ed and ehh-ed a bit that he thought I didn't understand his question.

So he rephrased, "Is Santa uninvisible or invisible?"

I took the opportunity to divert his attention by correcting his grammar - the opposite of invisible is visible.

He nodded. And looked out the car window. Traces of rain splattered across it.

"What about God?"

Uh-oh. What about God?

"Why can't we see God?"

Oh gee.. Let's revert back to Santa, eh? Or you want to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? I can sing that..

..even though it's a tad too early for that.

Batman and his stupid cape

I have been rather disappointed with myself lately. I failed in providing satisfactory answers to Gooly's queries.

Like the time he asked, "Why does Batwan wear a cape when he doesn't fly?"






My reply -"For fashion."

Bah! What kinda a lousy mom's answer is that?

Not until later in that afternoon that I decided to ask Uncle Ad for an answer.

"Why does STUPID Batman wear a STUPID cape when he doesn't fly ah?"

And so the sage said, "For protection..the cape is bullet proof. And for gliding...when he glides from building to building."

*Jaw drops*

I kinda didn't believe him so I wiki-ed.

Here's what I found:

The cape has also incorporated Nomex fire-resistant/retardant material (as demonstrated in the film Batman Forever and the Knightfall novelization by Denny O'Neil) and a Kevlar weave to slow the impact of bullets. The cape ends also contain lead weight tips that prevent the cape from getting tangled or blowing in his face in windy conditions^{[citation needed]}. The weights can also be used for offensive purposes, like striking an enemy by whipping the cape around. This device was expanded in The Dark Knight Strikes Again where the ends of the cape contained razor-sharp blades which Batman used to slice through several corrupt government officials.

*picks up jaw and let it drop again*

Like seriously.. there is actually a proper answer?! You mean Gooly's question is valid? Geesh!

I should really wipe the "what kinda question is that?' look of my face every time Gooly asks a question!

When I came back home with a better answer for him, he was grinning with glee. He was so happy to have his question answered (in a better and more comprehensible way). Like finally somebody (insane) spoke his lingo!

He said,"I told you! Batman can run faster with the wind on his cape! (after I sorta explained the meaning of 'glide')"

You did? Haha!

I think I kinda stopped listening after "For Fesen" cos my mind was occupied with the image of Batman's bulging crotch muscles.

But still, boys and men are darn weird to be focusing on stuff like that!!!! I can understand if you tell me the beauty of a BV bag (inconspicuous seams, non-monogrammication, intrecciato and other scientific jargon)...but a batman suit? Oh come on!

(Now this is a worthy discussion. Teehee!)

Also, in a costume party, if there are more than one Batman.. are they Batmen or Batmans?

GPS

With the recent demise of Gooly's chor chor (great gramma), there have been bullets of questions about death spewing at 'armourless' me.

I would like to answer Gooly's queries with confidence..but..it's not like I have been dead before, you know..

Thus the following conversation:

"Who is gonna take out the organs from Chorchor's body? They will be rotten."

Err... Chor chor is not a(n) (Egyptian) mummy. So no need to remove.



"Who is coming to bring Chorchor to heaven?"

Err... God or maybe angels.



"How are they gonna look for chor chor? They are so many people.."

Err... they have GPS.



If I eschewed the ERRR..it would have been pretty convicing, right?

Registered

What's that tiny 'r' in the circle, mom?

® - this one?

It's just an 'r' who really got fed up in the spelling/phonics scam. You know like how you don't pronounce Rolex but Lolek instead? And it couldn't stand living next to an ass.. I mean 's'..whatever.. So it ran away from the alphabet and is now living in a bubble.

*blink blink*

Yep..wish we could do the same huh? Just run away from the clan.

*blink blink*

Orait.. Don't need to thank me, son. It just happened that I am very knowledgeable. *proud smug*

*blink blink*

"What's the letter R in a small circle again, mom?"

Maaannn... weren't you listening? Ok fine.. it's a 'registered' symbol. It's there to 'decorate' some words. Now run along and play..with...that thing..yep..that one that is made in china and doesn't have that 'r in a circle' sign.

Gosh! Toys these days seriously make the kids think so much! (or is just mine? :P)

(Seriously, what do you say to a 5 yr old about copyrights and registered trademarks?)

Hmm..

In a sombre mood he sang, "What should I do without you~~~"

The Fan

Why does the fan look like it has many many..of that thing..when it's moving. But when it stops, it's just 3..of that thing..

He meant the blades. I thought that was a very good Physics question. Just that I don't have the answer.

Thus I said, "Why are you staring at the fan? Go read some books."

Oh Gawd!

Is God a boy or girl? (err..)

How do we send this letter to God? (burn lah..like siew fu)

Can we see God on YOUTUBE? (Can.. search 'crazy people think they are god')

Does God have many hands? (kuan yin ke?)

How did God make me?

Nyuk nyuk nyuk....

Today I Make You Think

For a four and half year old, he sure knows a lot about science.

We breathe in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide.

True?

What about when we fart?

What kinda gas compositions do we emit?

Okayyy.... Now my brain starts clicking, the wheels are turning...

If there is an answer to that, how do we know if the answer is true? Did the scientist capture the gas in plastic bags or canisters? Did they run tests on litmus paper? If so, how did participants of the research knew when they will fart? Did they feed them with lots of bean to ensure lots of gas?

*smirk*

I admit. I was a bit stumped when Gooly asked that question. Based on past experiences, I know not to rely on you guys for answers. Instead, I went tap -tap-tapping the keyboards straight to my trusted G.O.O.G.L.E sites.

All about farts - I typed.

Ho ho ho..... I found a GEM. Not so for the knowledge contained in there but.... I realized that there are many people who wonder about kentut and are not shy to ask anything and everything about it, like moi and moi son. (Simply. I don't speak or read French.)

Among the many questions that made me laugh my infamous snort- like-pig laughter were:

a. Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence? (Sinkar, this could be your chance to be famous!)


b. Is it normal for dogs to like the smell of human farts? (Liucas, I know your answer already! Don't say out, she will not feed you for 100 days!)


c. What is the best position for farting? (imho, while doing a hand stand in the swimming pool.)


d. Do fish fart? (Tuti and Tutu, RIP.. But I suppose out of boredom, you did dare each other to do the stunts of pushing air through the rear end.)


e. Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a fart? (GG, that day you said you sat on Milo...hmmmm?)


f. If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub? (I don't care. I don't have a tub. I want to know about swimming pool.)


g. Is it weird to enjoy farting? (Sinkar, back to you.)


h. Is it common for people to enjoy smelling their own fart? (GG, I know you like other people's. That is uncommon!)


i. Can farting be considered sexy? (IF done by me.. 99.99% yes)



*snort snort*

I love laughing at one in the morning.

*snort snort*

(Is there a way to control this snorting? It's embarassing!)

Killing Brain Cells #100

That number is fictional. But I think it's not too outrageous to say that he had killed 99 brain cells in his four years of living with me 24/7.

"Why are armpits ticklish?"

a. how I know?
b. ticklish lah! What you mean why?
c. because you will be scared of you wife
d. go watch tv.

Unless you have an (e), I would have to choose one from the above.

Today no mood to google.

Even though I know I will get crap answers from you.

But I so need the laugh. And Biology and Body Nerves are too boring for us..

To P or not to P?

Why do we shiver when we wee?

WHO ON EARTH WONDERS THINGS LIKE THAT???? Well, apparently my son does.

Were you an inquisitive child? I know I was ..until age 5.. until my apah shut me up. I remember I was asking about Chinese horoscope. In a very cute voice, I asked:

Apah, this year is what year?

(Name one animal. I cannot hint how old I am.)

"After ________, is what?"

"And then?"

"The next year leh?"

I went on and on and on until half of the animals were mentioned. Finally, apah sang:

" STOP RIGHT THERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I NEED SOMEBODY WITH A HUMAN TOUCH~
HEY YOU~
ALWAYS ON THE RUN"

(Spice Girls! I *heart*that song!)

No-lah.. he said something about children shouldn't be asking so much. Typical. That killed my curiosity all right! How ironic! Instead of killing a cat, my curiosity got killed.

OH..where was I?

Ah yes..

Why do we pee when we shiver?

Why do we shiver when we pee?

Why do you read my blog when I need to pee?

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

Tough!

It's been a while since he killed some brain cells of mine.

He did it again, a couple of days back. Gooly wanted to know:

HOW DO BANANAS TURN FROM GREEN TO YEYOW (yellow) ?

Oh-kay, son. You want to know why bananas are yellow when they ripe? Like how leaves turn brown? Or sky turns orange when the sun sets? You know what? I don't know. *smile* Lemme check with my friends.

She said it has something to do with PIGmentation, which makes sense until she explained it this way, "Long ago, PIGs loved bananas."

Meanwhile, he said something about maturity-breasts and periods. And somehow bananas got lost in the plot.

Whatdoido..whatdoido...whatdoido.... (with friends like them?)

I google the answer, of course.

So we learned about chlorophyll, and also never to depend on my friends on scientific matters.

Also, I thought he had given up his profession as a neologist right after creating "skoobables". There were no inspirations for new words for some time. All of the sudden, he resumed his duty as the creator of "ENGLISHEN".

My son is creating a new language called ENGLISHEN. Should I be ..erm...errr...ah... worried? *bite nails*

Why? WHY? Do you want to learn a new language, son? Learn Mandarin, Thai..Cantonese, even.. But when I try to teach you, you turn a deaf ear. Why Englishen? Why the trouble of creating a new language?

"Because it's easy with Englishen. You say 'tampong' when you tangle up a person with string. There is no English word for 'tampong'."


=_____=*

But nobody speaks Englishen. Nobody will understand you.

"I teach you. You learn it. First word is 'maiminpao'. When you blow bubbles, and nothing come out, you say, 'maiminpao."

+______+*

WHY ME......why me......why me............

Duuk ..dukkk...dukkk.....*hitting head againts wall AGAIN*

It makes sense..

..that you go to school on a school bus.

When you go home, shouldn't you ride on a HOME bus?

It doesn't make sense if you said, "The alarm went OFF!" when it is obviously turned ON to give such a blaring noise.

It makes sense that the number 1 is lesser than 10, 100, 1000.

It doesn't make sense that everyone wants to be number 1 when 10, 100, 1000 are greater numbers.

" I don't want to be number 1! I want to be number 100. NO! 1000 is more! It's better!"

HOW?

Please answer Mr. Gooly (for me).

Tom and Jerry

The ever famous frenemies.

Violent.

Irritating.

Idiosyncratic.

These words pretty sum up my blurb for the decades-old cartoon.

Gooly owns a Tom and Jerry DVD with over 70 episodes of head crashing, body smashing and brain hemorrhaging. He watches it everyday.

I think many children love the series for its volatile characteristics. Crash! Boom! Bang! The more severe the injury, the greater laughter is drawn.

But if you have a curious and inquisitive child like mine, watching Tom and Jerry is never a simple task.

To my best recollection, a child watches cartoon for its simplicity. It’s equivalent to an adult’s patronage of The Three Stooges. You know, an activity which leaves you cerebrally inactive and a little spit at the corner of your mouth, with some flies hovering around you.

My initial introduction of Tom and Jerry to Gooly is so that I have some time to cook, chat and day dream. Never mind the violence. They are not realistic and moronic, even a preschooler knows that.

But alas, my plan didn’t work.

He needs explanation for all the exaggerated actions; why the bomb didn’t just kill Tom?

He seeks justification; why does Tom hurt Jerry?

He wonders about mortality; why does the ugly duckling want to kill himself?

Have you noticed? The story lines for kids TV programs are often interlaced with complex themes and adult humour? Spongebob Square Pants, Sesame Street are the few children programmes I do so enjoy.

The humour is often subtle, and I wonder how kids grasp the fine nuances.

If there were one shared trait between Gooly and myself, it would be ‘curiosity’. And if curiosity really kills the cat, we would have quite a number of felines littered on our ground.

Tom and Jerry has obviously failed in its mission in providing me solitude. Do you have any cartoons that require minimal cerebral works to recommend? For Gooly, of course. “Kausailei”…. My books and idleness await me.